A Monk Breaks Silence

Are you comfortable where you are right now? If I invited you to go and sit somewhere else, do you think you may be more at ease? Well, for me, I have been at a loss where I belong for what seems a lifetime.

Years ago, when I first began school, my mother left me to journey alone into a world of what I saw as different tables. The first of many tables was in the most special of places. In Kindergarten, I was the only student that was placed at a table that sat both a female and male classmate. All the other tables sat opposite gender classmates. What helped make matters more difficult was that during the year, I began to have butterflies and warm feelings for both of my gender classmates. The questioning of why me, has followed me through endless moments of terror.

My Internal Biphobia, the name of my fear, has included and not been limited to resentment for being neither straight, gay, nor asexual. I have lived with self-hatred, because I was not completely socially accepted. And I lived a double life with addictions to find a cure for both, yes, both of my opposite and same-gender attraction. After seventeen years of sobriety, I found there is no cure like born truth.

To understand my own birthright, I learned about the Kinsey Scale. A biological scale made to help explain about fluidity regarding sexuality being much more than merely straight or gay. If I may, it is like “six degrees of separation.”  The degrees are separated by fluidity. As though, there is a hetero-flexible, homo-flexible, and genuine equal bisexuality. In other words, every day of the week is not about only sunrise and sunset. A day’s fluidity has a morning, midday, afternoon and evening. Yet, the day does not merely talk about its fluidity as a mere identity. The day publicly celebrates its privilege to be. And at the same time is socially accepted as “normal” like both straight and gay.

Lately, I researched the Bible and found that before the English translation of Adam and Eve. These well known people were originally named Ish and Isha, Help and Helpmate. Yet, I have gotten into debates with conservative bible fanatics. My argument has always been, since Eve came from Adam, does that make Adam, Transgender? Once male now female. Or Eve, Transgender? Once female now male. To explain spectrium to such ill-informed people, I quoted the Bible.

What I found to be more interesting than myself is simple. In Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” With that, I am now more than ever aware that Sacred is genderless. I live in my purest of heart that God is both female and male. God is transgender female, transgender male, and intersex.

In other words, a knowing of the Higher Power, once again regarding fluidity, happens also to be found in Galatians 3:28. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one…” The tables set for gay and straight. Female and male. Are also shared by bisexual and transgender people as well. We all sit at the same table. We all sit at one “fluid, spiritual” table. However, what separate us are our internal phobias.

There are those who spouts rotten harvest like “sissy, butch, and “that is so gay,” exhibiting homophobia. Second, people who isolate straight people as “breeders,” exhibiting heterophobia. Third, the many who sarcastically mention “hot tranny mess, or clowns” exhibit transgender phobia. Lastly, countless that lie about bisexual people being born confused, really just gay and need to pick a side already help continue Bisexual Erasure, manifestation of Biphobia.

To live in my own shoes happens to be a miracle within itself. I am a humble bisexual child of God.  I am a trusted servant that does not fear anymore, because I am lead by faith, truth and not by sight, society.