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Should Bisexuals Rally Around Bi Social Network?

Let’s Hear It For More Bisexual Visibility in 2012

No Sex Please, We’re Women

My Mom Refuses To Believe That I’m Bisexual

Trust Me, You’re Bisexual

What Do I Say to My Biphobic Aunt?

Bisexual Men Exist, Revisited

Dan Savage PR 101: A funny Thought

What Should I Do? My Man Wants Monogamy But I Don’t

Let’s Hear It For More Bisexual Visibility in 2012

No Sex Please, We’re Women

My Mom Refuses To Believe That I’m Bisexual

Trust Me, You’re Bisexual

Bisexual Men Exist, Revisited

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January 8, 2012 By bisocialnetwork 3 Comments

I want to thank all our supporters of Bi Social Network for these past three years in helping us continue to share bisexual niche content with the community. We know how important visibility is in stopping biphobia and bi-erasure in and outside the community. By coming together, we can move the cause to a better understanding.

I read on a bisexual community Facebook page called, “Bisexuals Against Douchebags” (BAD), which helps bring to life biphobia in media. A commenter named Atiq Zabinski posted their feelings regarding our login feature to our site and from what I can tell, “outrage” on us starting the Rally Campaign to help us make basic needs for our site, in ways of support, money to fund our data servers and more.

[Atiq Zabinski] So much for their (her?) [Adrienne Williams] financial model….

This statement was posted on Thursday, January 5, 2012. I want to start to address this first statement.

One of the things I pride myself is being is up front. I have stated from the beginning that I use to work in computer technology. In the year 2008, like countless of others, I lost my job in the tech bubble, and decided to start Bi Social Network and do something I loved, help a cause have visibility and help me in the process to happiness, working for myself and helping others in their craft.

There weren’t any entertainment sites full on in this arena and I wanted to show that bisexuals wanted and needed to talk about all sorts of interests in our lives, not just activism. I thought we could have a space for all to come together. There was no “Financial Model” at the time until I decided I wanted to make something bigger than the initial start. After that, I used all my money to make sure Bi Social Network succeed. But nothing can happen without members, customers, supports, backers, investors, sponsors, and subscribers and advertisers to help it grow. I tried everything, from crowd funding, classified ads, using my own money, getting advertisers, etc. This was what I was trying to do, in Bi Talk Radio, bringing on free mental health advice with “Bi Life” Film, Radio, TV, Magazine. Nothing that isn’t hard work, and done right will ever be free.

I don’t take to heart one person’s viewpoint, but I have to look at what is happening. Does the bisexual community want this sort of bi content? Do our members feel just as Zabinski described here about me and Bi Social Network?

..Being tight-fisted with their media content, trying to pressure everyone into becoming site members, and wasting money on bells and whistles…

I want to address some of the reasons behind adding login access to our database management system. Every site in today’s market, technology, social media, etc, where databases are used to house sites, basic information is always needed to have a healthy website, regarding upgrades, new features, understanding your members and visitors. If you are a business and want to grow—it’s standard regarding why a site will ask for user information, a first or last name etc. It’s always better to get this information beforehand, if later down the line you want to expand your website present. Some of the site was visible in all or in part, but it was there for all to view. Bi Social Network is no different than any company like Facebook, Twitter, or other data driven websites, blog, etc. Bi Social Network didn’t start off with membership access but because we needed to know how the site was being viewed, and to grow our bases, our brand and our advertisers, this is standard information. No one is making anyone do anything. You come and go as you please. Read our policy pages.

Another point is that we wanted the bisexual community to have a great web user experience, and any “bells or whistles” are a labor of love these three years, and hours upon hours of hard work, coding that I felt the bisexual community needed like any other gay and lesbian and straight niche content site around, such as Advocate, Out and others. There is no behind the scene developer, I’m up all hours of the night trying to make the site better. Advocate has their investors…. Do bi businesses?

No real professional site can be housed free, and if anyone thinks you can house many amounts of articles, data, images, audio on a free blogging platform without paying some type of fee, I’m here to tell you that isn’t possible. Our data was getting too large and we had to move it to our own server per our IP Company. Meaning you can’t house a site like ours on a shared server—hence why we pay higher monthly fees. This went into effect months ago. There are no add-ons, we were trying to give you more with less.

…There are more worthy causes to donate money to.

Yes there is. There are many, I donated last year to homeless causes, mental health issues, a bi girl who was about to go homeless just last year. We helped raise funds for that. Someone contacted me who was suicidal and needed help and an ear; we got them support 24hrs later! (Yes I was online all that time) We know there are many companies to donate too. We just feel that Bi Social Network has the potential to be one of those companies. We understand the needs of the bi community, and if we don’t know all of the issues, please email me and let us know how we can move forward in providing it.

I understand that the bisexual community isn’t use to having a site like ours, showcasing a newer approach, so it might be hard to believe that money isn’t needed. But if any bisexual site wants to be taken seriously, as a product, I know it takes hard work, tech skills, money, lots of community support and a little luck to make something happen.

Now, taking into account that this is only one person, I have to pause and reflect that perhaps this is how everyone feels, regarding the support any business might need from the community when trying to move into untapped bisexual media. If this is true, then I can just stop right now, and end it. Or servers are due tomorrow, and there isn’t money to house them. The magazine is being completed; this was the reason to start this project to help raise money. We are not trying to cheat anyone here but to provide a service.

I have friends and loved ones telling me to give up Bi Social Network and go back to technology. I guess I can do that, close shop, forget about the community, only think about myself, and not help others. Only time will tell what moves forward. I do find it interesting that this same person is trying to create a bi network site, similar to our own. But I guess that’s just coincidence right?

Filed Under: Columnists, Rants of a Bisexualist Tagged With: Adrienne Williams, bi entertainment, Bi Social Network, Bisexual Entertainment, Bisexual media, Bisexual News, bisexual opinion, feedback, rants of the bisexualist

January 7, 2012 By Ronete Cohen ( Psychologist & Columnist) Leave a Comment

Why bisexuals are everywhere (Credit Image: Stock.xchng)

Earlier in 2011, I was in session with a straight teenager. I had already told him more than once that using the word gay to mean lame really hurts bisexual, lesbian, gay and transgender kids. He knew about the bullying, the suicides. He himself had been bullied. He understood and was careful not to use this word at school.

In my psychotherapy sessions, anything goes: you can say what you like and use bad language. But I was helping him with social skills too, so when he used the word gay in a derogatory sense again, I reminded him of the consequences this can have. He said he knew that and was careful to use it only when he was sure there were no gays or lesbians around. So I looked him straight in the eye and said: “How can you be so sure?” He’s known me for long enough to know I live with a man. ”Are you a lesbian?” he asked, to prove a point. “No, that wouldn’t be very nice for my partner,” I replied. “See?” he said. So I said, “Have you ever heard of bisexuals?” If it hadn’t been for the sound of his jaw hitting the floor, you would have been able to hear a pin drop.

I must admit it’s never easy coming out to a teenage male client with the obligatory porn habit. It took him the week between sessions to get the idea that I was ‘kinky’ out of his head and be relaxed about it. The next time I saw him he told me that he had completely stopped using the word gay in that way. He even started telling other people off for doing it, not caring less about the teasing he gets as a result. See? Visibility makes a difference.

In December 2011, I recorded a public coming out for the Dutch lesbian/bisexual site La Vita (online soon). There are still so few visible bisexuals out there when bisexual visibility would make such a huge difference to so many lives. A good New Year’s resolution for those of you who are ready would be to make yourselves visible. But we can all help bisexual visibility by supporting Bi Social Network. We won’t survive for much longer without your financial support. Every little bit counts, so put your money where your mouth is and make us all visible.

Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Columnists Tagged With: bisexual, bisexual visibility, bullying, coming out, gay, La Vita, lesbian, transgender

November 1, 2011 By Ronete Cohen ( Psychologist & Columnist)

(Credit Image: Della Calfee) Titled "Ass Like That"

It is a well-known fact that, when it comes to sex, men and women are very different. Or are they? Sai Gaddam claims to have proven that in his large-scale study, and he’s a neuroscientist. If you ask him, he’ll tell you that “To appeal to a man, whether straight or gay, it’s enough to entice his body with visual images. To appeal to a woman, you have to speak to her mind and seek approval from it.” He explains homosexuality, bisexuality and transsexuality as a result of male and female sexual software being swapped around. Incidentally, he also believes that gay men have larger penises than straight men. I’m not the only one who is gobsmacked by how he presents theory as fact and uses selective data to back what he already believes. And just in case you were curious (I was, so I checked), the penis size one is based on very old data where men were asked how big their penises were, and we all know men never lie about that!

More recently, a team from the University of Michigan took a critical look at research on which we base much of what we think we know about sexuality and gender. In their paper “Women, Men, and the Bedroom: Methodological and Conceptual Insights That Narrow, Reframe, and Eliminate Gender Differences in Sexuality” they once and for all put to rest some stubborn and unsubstantiated old wives’ tales. Turns out we do like sex after all and we’re not just shopping for good genes for our children. Who would have thought? You know the one about men wanting a partner who is sexy and women a partner with status? Not true. And the one about women wanting and having fewer sexual partners than men? A close look at the numbers from previous research showed that there is no difference in the desired number of partners. And what about the actual number of sexual partners? Well, any differences disappeared when the men and women were connected to a (fake) lie detector and were therefore forced to tell the truth. So, no gender differences in sexual appetites either. But surely men think about sex more often than women do? Well, when men were asked to think about sex, food and sleep, they did think about all three more than women did. So it’s not sex, it’s simply that men are more attentive to their own needs. Okay, then what about all the stuff we keep hearing about women having orgasms less frequently than men? Well, it depends. If their partner knows what he/she is doing, the difference disappears. And, finally, is it true that women like casual sex less than men do? Turns out that if the person offering is attractive and known to be good in bed, plus there’s no danger of being stigmatised for sleeping around (because we all know that a woman who sleeps with someone who turns her on is a total slut…), then a woman is just as likely to say yes as a man is. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Columnists Tagged With: Bedroom: Methodological and Conceptual Insights That Narrow, bi life, Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, bisexual, bisexuality, Della Calfee, Eliminate Gender Differences in Sexuality, gay, gender, homosexuality, lesbian, Man as Object - Reversing the Gaze, men, Reframe, sex, sexuality health, trans, transsexual, transsexuality, University of Michigan, women

October 16, 2011 By Ronete Cohen ( Psychologist & Columnist)

How to accept yourself without others approval? (Credit: istock.com)

Dear Ronete,

I’m in a long distance relationship with my wonderful girlfriend Sarah, but no matter what I say, my mom does not believe that I am bisexual. When I told her back when I first figured out I was bi, when I was 13-years-old, she didn’t believe me. Now, at 24-years-old, she still doesn’t believe me. It’s very hurting to not have my mother believe and support me, but she believes and supports my openly gay brother. She says things like: I don’t know what I want. She says I can’t possibly be bisexual, because she doesn’t believe I’ve actually had a relationship with a woman prior to my current girlfriend, despite the fact that I also dated her before (even back in high school) and I plan to marry her one day.

I find it bad that a southern high school can be accepting of two women in a relationship, but my own mother can’t accept or believe that I’m bi. What do I have to do? Wear a shirt with huge flaming letters stating “Hey I’m bisexual! Yes I’m serious, or I wouldn’t wear this shirt!”? It seems like nothing else works. I’ve explained to her in about five different ways that, yes, I’m attracted to women too. Hello! Isn’t that what defines sexuality? Being attracted to someone? How can I deal with her and have her believe me when I tell her that I am definitely bisexual?

Thank you,
Bri This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Columnists Tagged With: advice, Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, bisexual, bisexuality, bullying, Parenting, relationship, self-care, sexuality

October 2, 2011 By Ronete Cohen ( Psychologist & Columnist)

Some people seem to know what you are better than you do. No matter what you say, they’ll gently (or not so gently) correct you and point you in the right direction. Never imagine for a single moment that you know better what it feels like to be you. This army of people, who only see you from the outside, know what you’re all about on the inside and will never miss an opportunity to tell you that.

Bisexuality means a million different things to a million different people. It includes terms like pansexual, bi-curious, heteroflexible and fluid, although those included don’t always wish to be included. No one can even agree on what each term actually means. An ancient Jewish joke goes: put two Jews in a room and you’ll hear three different opinions. Well, pick two random bisexuals and you’ll end up with at least three different definitions of bisexuality. Should you feel attraction to men and women, or more? How attracted should you be? Must you sign up for polyamory when you apply, or can you opt out without losing your membership perks? This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Columnists Tagged With: bi-curious, bisexual, bisexuality, coming out, Fluid, heteroflexible, Jack Scanlan, mostly straight, Naon Tiotami, pansexual, polyamory, sexuality, The Good Men Project

September 18, 2011 By Ronete Cohen ( Psychologist & Columnist)

How to help family members understand your bisexuality

Dear Ronete,

My aunt is an RN that currently works with the mental health population as a psych nurse. A couple months back, a co-worker (also female) hit on me in front of her at work. She and I wound up talking about sexuality and when I told her that yes, I was in fact, bi, she said she wasn’t at all surprised and that it was clearly part of my “personality disorder”. She has made numerous comments about it being a choice and went so far as to tell me I am not a woman (because I use the word “dude” and because I’m bi) and that I should just dump my boyfriend because I might like a girl. Also, she believes that sexuality (homosexuality, to be specific) is a “life choice” that one makes. When I try to talk to her she tries to change the subject and won’t even call it being bisexual… just “that thing you are” like it’s a disease or a fad. Is there anything I can come back at her with since she clearly won’t listen to me? I know I will never change her views but she’s not even looking at the facts. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Columnists, Psychology Tagged With: American Psychological Association, bi life wth ronete cohen, Bi Social Network, bisexual advice, psychology, sexuality advice

September 3, 2011 By Ronete Cohen ( Psychologist & Columnist)

Rosenthal Study Proves Bisexual Men Do Exist (Credit: istock.com | quavondo

It was a no brainer deciding what to write about this time. So much has already been said about That Study, but I wanted to give you another angle, that of a psychologist and former researcher. Where do I start? Let’s rewind a few years to that infamous headline ‘Gay, Straight, or Lying?.’ People rushed to declare that the study had “proven” that bisexual men don’t exist. Well, there’s no such thing. You can easily prove that something does exist by finding just one of it, but you can’t say something doesn’t exist just because you haven’t been able to find it. It’s basic (scientific) logic. If I go to the supermarket across the road now and spend 30 minutes trying to find blond, bilingual women called Sandra, it’s possible that I won’t find a single one. Going on to conclude that such women don’t exist is pretty stupid. A newspaper headline said that bisexual men don’t exist. They based their (scientifically invalid) conclusion on the fact that a study that was looking for them (in the wrong place) didn’t find any. So this misconception convinced many people that there was no such thing as a bi guy. Ever.This content is for members only.

Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Psychology Tagged With: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, bisexual, bisexual men, bisexuality, bisocial network, Kinsey Scale, psychology, Rosenthal, sexuality, The American Institute of Bisexuality

August 22, 2011 By bisocialnetwork

Is Dan the Master of PR Spin?

I’m a student of the Enneagram (Any –a-gram), nine types that explain the motivations behind our actions, fears, anger and love. It’s always good fun to try to wrap your mind around why folks do the things they do. Hence, our debate yet again on the holy master of PR spin called Dan Savage; who I believe to be a type Three: Self-Starter/Achiever. The type Three needs to feel loved, have a great image and become successful in all areas of their life. Threes can seem put together, but most often average or unhealthy Threes could be hiding some dark secret that they do not want the world view to know. (Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, Oprah, just to name a few). This content is for members only.

So, I was thinking, what would Dan Savage want to convey to the world about his image NOW that he’s in the spotlight on the’ It Get’s Better’ Campaign? If he is the Achiever, I’m sure he’d have a team of advisers telling him the ins and outs of great PR regarding the hot/cold love from the bisexual community. Continue reading »

Filed Under: Rants of a Bisexualist Tagged With: bi humor, bi social netwwork, biphobia, Bisexual humor, bisexual satire, Dan Savage, existence of bisexuals, Famous Enneagram 3, famous enneagram three, New York Times, pr 101, pr spin

August 19, 2011 By Ronete Cohen ( Psychologist & Columnist)

Bi Life with Ronete Cohen receives questions from the bisexual and other communities regarding sexuality, advice, support, mental health issues and more. Please submit all questions to Ronete Cohen, psychologist for assistance.

Disclaimers: The Bi Life with Ronete Cohen is not a 24-hour emergency service. If you are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide, please seek emergency help. For a suicide prevention hotline where you live, please check the International Suicide Prevention Wiki. For online suicide prevention, please check the Online Suicide Prevention Wiki.This content is for members only.

Continue reading »

Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Columnists, Culture, Psychology Tagged With: advice, bi, Bi Social Network, bisexual, bisexual women, bisexuality, open relationships, polyamory, relationships, sexuality

8 Events on February 8, 2012 Kimberly McLeod 'Elixher' - Black History Series Starts: 5:00 pm Ends: February 8, 2012 - 5:30 pm Location: Bi Talk Radio - Podcast Description: ELIXHER is your go-to resource for all things empowering, thought-provoking, and pertinent to the Black female queer community and experience. You’ll find uplifting profiles, local events, political commentary, personal reflections, and more! More details...

12 Events on February 12, 2012 Twitter Live Chat Starts: 7:00 pm Ends: February 12, 2012 - 9:00 pm Location: Bi Social Network Description: Come to our site and chat live with us, using our Twitter Chat IM at the bottom right of the site. We will have topics every two weeks on what's going on with the community or to talking about geeky things such Torchwood, or any bi candy celeb. More details...