Liking A Boy Who Likes Girls And Boys

OPINION: I often read a blog called The Good Men Project (check it out). I like the diversity of opinion and respectfulness of the blog, as well as the strong emphasis on the rights of women, minorities, and Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender (BLGT) people. A few days ago I stumbled across the article A Girl Who Likes Boys Who Like Boys: The Joy of Dating Gay Men by Feminist Dating Blogger. The article talked about the author’s history of dating men who turned out to be gay, how she was not ashamed of it (that’s good to hear), as well as a short summary of her dating history, and how as a feminist she views gender roles. She talks about the good points of dating gay men, how they are more open with their emotions and responsive to their partners’ feelings, how despite this many still act in a way society would consider “masculine” and interestingly—what good lovers they are, even when they are with women. She also talks about changing gender rules and how they can be fluid, and the line below the picture says “the only problem with dating gay men is that they’re gay.”

It’s a great article—really; it is well written, with many good points. But as I was reading it all I could think of was the big elephant in the room: “Where is the word bisexual?” Even “fluid” made it in when talking about sexuality, but the word bisexual and idea of dating a bisexual guy didn’t? Many bisexual guys would occupy that “space” between straight and gay—you could date a guy who has some of the qualities that many women like in gay men but who actually likes women as well! I can even understand the author having a personal preference of not talking about herself dating a bisexual man, but at least mention that they exist! People mentioned this in the comments section of course, but if would have been so much better if it had been mentioned in the article. I hope more writers who write about GLBT issues start to acknowledge bisexuality; especially when the theme of an article practically screams for it.  Let’s have some bivisiblity here; especially since now “everyone” knows that bisexual men actually exist.

Why Avoid Saying Bisexual?

(Image Credit:) Istock.com

Recently I started reading a blog called the Good Men Project. It’s a progressive blog about gender, race, sexuality, and other issues written by people from many different backgrounds. A lot of the articles are pretty interesting and informative, and there’s usually a good debate and/or conversation going on. A few days ago I stumbled across this article:  Mostly Straight, Most Of The Time.  It talked about men who often consider themselves “mostly straight,” meaning that more often that not, they prefer to date and be with women, but every once in a while they want to be with a guy, and they do not find the idea repulsive (great, maybe that will cut down on homophobia). While it’s great to see that more guys, especially of the younger generation, are more open to the concept of same-sex attraction, why are they saying there is “no word” for them? Why “mostly straight”, and not “bisexual with a preference for women”, or something like that? This content is for members only. Continue reading »

The Truth Comes Out: Bisexual Men Exist!

(Image Credit): Wikimedia.com/Kenk8

OP-ED: Last week, I got one of the best pleasant surprises I’ve had in a long time. Finally, someone published a study, called No Surprise for Bisexual Men: Report Indicates They Exist totally overruling that ridiculous 2005 Gay, Straight, Or Lying “study” by J. Michael Bailey. It was even more surprising that it was published by Northwestern University, the same school that published the original study, in The New York Times, which wrote about the first study. The biggest surprise was the experiment was headed by J. Michael Bailey himself, who has claimed that his original research was misinterpreted and sought to rectify that, and for that I give him a lot of credit. In the new study, bisexual men for the study were actually recruited from the bisexual community instead of the gay and straight communities.

So how is this going to impact the bisexual, gay, lesbian, and transgender community? For many people in the bisexual community, the first reaction was “It’s about time”, and also, from some of us, especially bisexual men, “See, I told you so!” I admit I had fun posting the article and saying “So there” to the haters. Will it make a difference? To those who are open minded, especially those who value scientific studies, yes. To those who are determined to deny our existence? No. They’ll find some other excuse. It was always amusing to see the Bailey study quoted in comments from gay, lesbian, and straight people who were vociferous in saying bisexuals don’t exist; when bisexuals tried to point out inconsistencies in the study, they were laughed at. I wonder if those same biphobes will now try and find inconsistencies in the new study? This content is for members only. Continue reading »

The Dangers of Sexual Beings

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Russell Armstrong (pictured with his estranged wife Taylor) took his own life when faced with being prematurely "outed." Image Source: Reality Tea

Dan Savage has finally given us his blessing.  In his August 16 article Case Closed: Bisexual Men Exist Savage offers what would seem to be a well thought out treatise on the sexuality of the human male and why previous scientific studies and perhaps even Savage himself have been wrong.  It turns out though, that Savage’s acceptance of Bisexuality and bisexual men in particular has done little to advance the acceptance of the oft referred “bisexual unicorn.” Especially as it pertains to pop culture.This content is for members only.

The day before Savage closed the book on the issue of male bisexuality, Russell Armstrong—husband of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Taylor Armstrong—was found dead after taking his own life.  In the days following the suicide, the show’s network—Bravo—declared the mystery of his lack of onscreen charisma with his wife solved when they revealed his “kinky gay sex life.”  A statement in and of itself that echoes the either/or mentality that many bisexual men face and one that Dan Savage has been publicly criticized for after making statements implying men cannot be bisexual in the documentary Bi the Way and his own article Bisexuals in which he states “When I meet a bisexual teenage boy, for instance, I sometimes think to myself, “Yeah, I was too at your age.”" While berating the bisexual community for a lack of “coming out”.  The idea of visibility as a tool of acceptance is not a new one—going back to Harvey Milk and Castro Street—what good would coming out have done for Russell Armstrong? Continue reading »

Introduction: ‘Bi Life with Ronete Cohen’

Get advice on relationships, sexuality, self-esteem or any topic that affects the bisexual community. (image: istock.com)

Hi to all you fellow bisexuals and welcome to Bi Life with Ronete Cohen! I’m Ronete [Ron-neat] and it’s great to be here. I’m here to try and help anyone who needs help in any way I can. I’m not just here to help you with your sexuality. I’m here to help with whatever it is you need help with. Or maybe I should rephrase that. I once said that to a teenager I was counselling and he said to me: “Okay, then can you please make me a sandwich?”

I know from personal experience what it’s like to try and find help from someone who doesn’t accept or even understand bisexuality. Yes, I know some people think therapists never need help, but we are human after all. Well, at least most of us are—joke! This content is for members only.

In my late teens, I sought advice from someone in the hope of curing my general lack of direction (a.ka., “turn on, tune in, drop out”). He was great, and then, out of the blue, he said to me: “I know you think you’re bisexual, but, don’t worry, you’re just a little confused.” Well, I hadn’t been confused at all, but I sure was now. A couple of years later, still confused, I went to see a therapist. I’m not sure whether it was the fact that I liked boys as well as girls, or whether it was the fact that I had sex with anyone at all for that matter, but he would turn bright red and start stuttering whenever anything even remotely related to S-E-X was mentioned. I ended up feeling really sorry for him and I stopped therapy to save his blushes. Continue reading »

Our Quest for Love in a Racialized Society

Here I am on another lonely night messaging people from my area and all around the country on another white dominated so called social networking site. Here I am seemingly endlessly reading profiles, giving compliments and throwing out the line, “I’m looking for friends and hopefully a partner” all to no avail. I also love how the site shows me how many people have looked at my profile and also the most viewed people on the site just to see the comparison. Nonetheless, I find it ironic that on the one black bisexual, gay, lesbian and transgender social networking site I’m on I receive literally 20 times as many messages and friend requests that I’ve received on all of the five or six majority white sites I’ve been on. Even on the so called mainstream sites I notice how the vast majority of people who message me end up being my same race when the vast majority of people I messaged are not. This was one puzzle in my recent love life and social life that has made me ask the following question; “How can one community seem to recognize my worth and attractiveness and another group almost unanimously find me not worthy of even a hello?” This content is for members only.

Turns out our race and even our sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity effects whom enters into our social circle. Oh what a surprise! I’m being sarcastic but I am also genuinely surprised in 2011 many people even many bi, lesbian, gay and transgender people still base who they will interact with based on their skin color. For me it turns out almost all of the white people I’ve met chose not to either respond to me or call me back or really put me in their inner circle. This first became apparent to me in college, when I noticed how the majority of people I would talk to were white because most people at the school are white—yet only the African American’s seemed to ask for my number, call me back, or even invite me out. Both groups seemed to really like me and laugh at my jokes but for the most part only one group was open to bringing me in their inner circle.

Continue reading »

Ronete Cohen Joins Bi Social Network as Staff Psychologist

MEDIA RELEASE

Contact:
Adrienne Williams, Founder & Web Producer
Bi Social Network
Email

Bi Social Network mental health initiatives kicks off with online support staff Psychologist Ronete Cohen

July 22, 2011—Bi Social Network moves into ground-breaking initiatives to help the bisexual community and its allies understand mental health education and how it affects every facets and demographic of youth, the elderly, race, class and gender—just to name a few. Psychologist, Ronete Cohen believes in our message to educate the public about bisexual life; along with supporting gay, lesbian and transgender members of our community.

“Bi Life with Ronete Cohen”

Ronete (Pronounced Ron-neat) will join us in two ways—first; she will take questions and answers (Q&A) which members will send via her email. The goal is when you help one person most likely you will help the population of the bisexual community with the same issues. It doesn’t matter where you are, our international network will support all types of questions regarding, sexuality, homelessness, self-worth issues, peer and family acceptance, just to name a few of the many topics that will be tackled—and all support will be held in the strictest of confidence under her practice via our web portal.

Secondly, Cohen will be a featured columnist called Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, where she’ll engage with our members by writing monthly thought provoking articles that will be current to the lives of our community, which will challenge us, celebrate us, support us and nurture our needs.

Ronete Cohen MA is an experienced psychologist with a BA and MA in Psychology from Leiden University in the Netherlands. Her further training includes: a 3-year theoretical and clinical course in Intensive Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (IE-DP) with Ferruccio Osimo MD, Psychiatrist (former President of the International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association); and Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (STDP)/Affect Phobia Therapy (APT) training with Kristin Osborn MA, Psychotherapist (Associate and Researcher at the Short-Term Psychotherapy Research Program, Harvard Medical School). She is a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), the Dutch Institute of Psychologists (NIP), and the Dutch Association of Child and Youth Psychotherapists (VKJP).

In the Netherlands and in London, Ronete Cohen works with children, adolescents and adults of diverse nationalities, cultural backgrounds, beliefs, sexual orientations and gender identities.  Her expertise includes: giftedness; eating disorders; affirmative bisexual, gay, lesbian, and transgender psychotherapy; and helping those raised in narcissistic families who often end up in abusive relationships and/or resort to self-damaging behaviours. Her practice, The Rainbow Couch, also offers low-threshold tolerant and affirmative online psychotherapy for members of the bisexual, lesbian, gay, and transgender community who would otherwise not have access to such therapy.

Ronete was Diva magazine’s (a UK lesbian/bisexual glossy) advice columnist from 2005 to 2009. She has been Zij aan Zij magazine’s (a Dutch lesbian/bisexual glossy) advice columnist since 2006. She is an active opponent of reparative treatment and has written various articles on the subject, helping (often behind the scenes) lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) activists in different countries who are trying to fight it. She has also written a chapter (Using Intensive Experiential-Dynamic Psychotherapy to Treat an Underachieving Gifted Adolescent) for a book, Theory and Practice of Experiential Dynamic Therapy (edited by Ferruccio Osimo and Mark Stein), which will be published in London by Karnac in 2012.

To contact Ronete Cohen MA, please email her at ronete.cohen@bisocialnetwork,com to submit questions for our upcoming featured column called Bi Life with Ronete Cohen or visit her website at www.rainbowcouch.com to learn more about her practice.

To contact Bi Social Network about our growing programs, please visit our contact page to learn more on sponsorship, advertising, membership and our other programs, such as Bi Talk Radio, BSN TV, events and more.

Bi Social Network is extremely excited as we move forward with mental health education initiatives, as a needed community services in our network of education, entertainment and connecting our lives to one another.

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About Bi Social Network:

Bi Social Network is the first interactive bisexual Network dealing with entertainment, sexuality, social events and community. We are particularly focusing on bisexual men, women, teens and social issues surrounding the biphobia and bi-erasure myths of bisexuality in the gay, lesbian and straight communities. Topics will cover areas of social media, entertainment (pop culture), events and community, while regarding our sexuality in an informative educational and enriching way.

We want to be the hub of bisexual events across the nation in the form of workshops, networking events and social entertainment.

entertainment. sexuality. sociability. community. is Bi Social Network.

About ‘I am Visible’ Campaign:

The ‘I am Visible’ campaign goal is to make a difference in the lives of the bisexual community. We are a part of the gay, lesbian, transgender, and straight communities, we also know that there has been a high level of intolerance of late—particularly in our gay and lesbian communities in print, Web, entertainment, politics, and social media. We are here to tell our stories.

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AdventurSex Mentoring: Making Sex Fun Again

Nikki Lundberg utilizes her skills and sensuality to help others achieve sexual enlightenment. Image Source:  NikkiLundberg dot comSocial Networking—Facebook, Twitter, Google Buzz, Linkedin—no matter what the network of choice might be, it is almost a guarantee that everyone with an Internet connection has a social network account. It can be an eerie thing, however, when your social network starts predicting who you might want to speak with and making suggestions. Those suggestions are, at times, very advantageous—as was the case when my personal twitter account suggested Nikki Lundberg as a similar user to myself.This content is for members only.

Weinergate

Engaging in an act partaken by thousands of Americans, Rep. Weiner (D-NY) is now the subject of Public Scrutiny and a congressional investigation into his penis after a picture was leaked from his Twitter account. Image Source: Wikimedia Commoms

It isn’t unusual for the actions of politicians to become mainstream news. Turning on the television or the radio or even putting a seemingly innocuous word into a popular search engine will often yield information about the latest escapades of a politician. At times it is very mundane—financial institutions losing a battle in the senate regarding capping the fees charged to retailers for each swipe of a debit card, or the price of oil in America and the merits of offshore drilling. Lately though, there is a topic that has made every news outlet and continues to be newsworthy—Representative Anthony Weiner’s penis.This content is for members only.

Gia Carangi: A Candle That Burned Brightly

Gia Carangi In The Shot That Was Used For The April 1979 Cover Of Cosmopolitan Magazine (Image Credit:) cosmopolitan.com

“The candle that burns twice as bright burns twice as fast.” That has always been one of my favorite quotes; but I don’t think I fully understood it until recently when I read the book Thing of Beauty by Stephen Fried which was about former supermodel Gia Carangi. Gia was of the most influential models of the late seventies, who had a huge influence on changing the whole direction of the fashion industry. This was even more impressive considering she was queer. She is often credited as the first supermodel; it seems she became a supermodel and went to the very top almost as soon as she was discovered. One of the reasons Cindy Crawford was first noticed was because of her resemblance to Gia; in the early days of her career, Cindy was called “baby Gia”. Unfortunately, Gia died tragically at the age of 26 from AIDS, one of the first women to do so. She had gotten the disease from dirty needles, because she was an on again off again Heroin addict for years. It seems that sometimes the people who shine the brightest are the most tortured.

Gia was born in 1961 to a working class Italian family and grew up in Philadelphia. When she was 18, a photographer spotted her on the street and took some pictures of her, which made their way to some modeling agencies. Gia was eventually called to New York to visit these agencies. Her “exotic ethnic” looks got her a contract on the spot. In the late 1970’s, the modeling business was looking for a new direction and a new look. Most often models had been blonde haired and blue eyed, models of color were just starting to be more accepted, but there were still few of them. Gia had a very Italian ethnic look with her olive skin, brown eyes, brown hair, and more “full” (in other words, normal for a woman) figure. She was an immediate hit, and went straight to the top of the business, being on the covers of magazines like Vogue and Cosmopolitan several times, and having shoots all over the world. She got an apartment in New York, and started to live the “model’s dream” life, partying with celebrities in exclusive clubs. She was labeled as one of the most beautiful women to ever hit modeling.

Gia was also very much in demand because of her androgyny. Many people who worked with her said she radiated sexuality in her pictures, but they were never sure of what kind it was, female, male, straight, bisexual, or gay—it was just an androgynous sexuality. Gia’s sexuality itself was quite complicated; those who knew her have described her as both a lesbian and a bisexual, and it seems she often straddled these lines; she was defined as either a lesbian with bi tendencies or a bisexual who leaned lesbian; depending on how you look at it. She almost never wore makeup when she wasn’t modeling, and dressed in jeans and cowboy boots. This content is for members only.

 

 

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