(Image Credit:) Wikimedia.com/Bazi
After the horrific events of the last couple of weeks, where BLGT people committed suicide due to severe bullying, this past week there was yet another incidence of bullying, as well as an article about a past suicide by a bisexual victim of bullying. In the bullying incident, a bisexual teenager got beat up in public and was helped out by a kind-hearted woman. In the article about the suicide, a mother talked about how her bisexual son committed suicide 15 years ago due to being the victim of a hate crime (see Bisexual Teen’s Mother: “He Saw No Hope, So He Chose To End His Life”). This time even the media actually reported the victim as “bisexual” (so did the witness) as opposed to “gay.” Good step forward—now if only bisexual victims were identified every time–and not 15 years later!
When I saw this my first thought was the same one I always get when I hear about incidents like these: “So where’s that famous “hetero-privilege” we bisexuals are supposed to have? Maybe it temporarily left this poor kid on that day?” Almost every week I hear about some kind of biphobia—whether it is reported through articles like The Bully And The Geek, A Personal Journey, other bi media, or bisexual friends and acquaintances—coming from both the straight and gay communities and it seems almost constant lately. Many bisexual people I’ve talked seem to also be missing their “hetero-privilege card”. Perhaps they left it at home? Why is it that when I read The Heterosexual Privilege Checklist,–I can’t respond yes to one single thing?
I suppose it’s possible that my ex religious fanatic friend forgot about my hetero-privilege when she wrote in great detail on facebook about how I was going to burn in hell. I was dating a guy at the time, so my hetero-privilege really should have been there; however it seems like contrary to what biphobic people in the BLGT community say, who you are actually with doesn’t seem to protect you much from bigotry if you still admit to being bisexual. Maybe when my friends got attacked leaving a Women Seeking Women event at night, they had dropped their hetero-privilege somewhere? It seems John Terry and August Provost also dropped theirs right before they were murdered too. Celebrities who come out as bisexual don’t seem to have picked up theirs either; as they face mostly ridicule.
So how come this so called “privilege”, that we bisexuals are supposed to have is so invisible? I’ve written before about Bisexuals And The Hetero-Privilege Myth, and now I’ll say it again: maybe that answer is that this privilege is invisible because it doesn’t exist! If we stay in the closet and pretend to be straight, we get the same “privilege” a gay person gets if he or she stays in the closet. Yet if we come out, in addition to people hating on us for liking the same sex, we have people hating on us for liking the opposite sex too! In fact sometimes the pressure to prove we are really and truly “queer” can be so bad, that we wind up rejecting viable opposite sex partners, as is so well explained by Raspberry Mousse Media. If this is so called “privilege”, please lead me to the line where I can gladly get rid of it! If any biphobic people are reading this, I challenge you to show me where my “hetero-privilege” is hiding.
It’s great to see that gay celebrities are getting involved with things like the It Gets Better campaign. I totally support this and as bisexuals we all should. However, we also need to speak out about the fact that this campaign is incomplete—Dan Savage constantly talks about “gay and lesbian” bullying; once again, except for the occasional offhand “GLBT” reference, it’s as if bisexual and transgender people don’t exist, nor do they face bullying. Unfortunately this is not surprising considering his past stated views about the bisexual community, which are very well explained here: Dan Savage, ‘It Gets Better’: The Mel Gibson Of Bisexuality.
Ironically we seem to face quite a variety of bullying! Luckily Savage is not the only voice; I’m sure there definitely are gay and lesbian allies in the campaign who would welcome us. However, another idea might be the bisexual community considering having its own type of campaign like this—specifically geared towards bisexuals. I can think of several young bisexuals who definitely need to hear that it will get at least somewhat better for them too; this could help them to not be afraid; to seek help if necessary, and to stay true to who they are.
“Have fun having gay sex!” The comment was spat at me in anger. “Because that’s the only sex you’re going to get!” The anger was clear and the statement dripped with the venom of hate. The fact is, though that in the midst of a fight words are often thrown about without thinking—the problem is, once they’re out there, you can’t take them back. When those words were hurled at me in the midst of a fight, that had nothing to do with anyone’s sexuality, I literally stopped in my tracks. Dumbfounded doesn’t begin to describe how it made me feel. I literally felt like I’d been gay bashed.
With the sheer amount of information and studies that have been done—with the President pushing to