Liking A Boy Who Likes Girls And Boys

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OPINION: I often read a blog called The Good Men Project (check it out). I like the diversity of opinion and respectfulness of the blog, as well as the strong emphasis on the rights of women, minorities, and Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender (BLGT) people. A few days ago I stumbled across the article A Girl Who Likes Boys Who Like Boys: The Joy of Dating Gay Men by Feminist Dating Blogger. The article talked about the author’s history of dating men who turned out to be gay, how she was not ashamed of it (that’s good to hear), as well as a short summary of her dating history, and how as a feminist she views gender roles. She talks about the good points of dating gay men, how they are more open with their emotions and responsive to their partners’ feelings, how despite this many still act in a way society would consider “masculine” and interestingly—what good lovers they are, even when they are with women. She also talks about changing gender rules and how they can be fluid, and the line below the picture says “the only problem with dating gay men is that they’re gay.”

It’s a great article—really; it is well written, with many good points. But as I was reading it all I could think of was the big elephant in the room: “Where is the word bisexual?” Even “fluid” made it in when talking about sexuality, but the word bisexual and idea of dating a bisexual guy didn’t? Many bisexual guys would occupy that “space” between straight and gay—you could date a guy who has some of the qualities that many women like in gay men but who actually likes women as well! I can even understand the author having a personal preference of not talking about herself dating a bisexual man, but at least mention that they exist! People mentioned this in the comments section of course, but if would have been so much better if it had been mentioned in the article. I hope more writers who write about GLBT issues start to acknowledge bisexuality; especially when the theme of an article practically screams for it.  Let’s have some bivisiblity here; especially since now “everyone” knows that bisexual men actually exist.

Terrific Not Terrifying: Support the Internet and Being Bisexual

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Actress Evan Rachel Wood attends 'The Ides Of March' premiere during the 68th Venice Film Festival at Palazzo del Cinema on August 31, 2011 in Venice, Italy.

In a recent  interview Evan Rachel Wood talked about how as a child her bisexuality ”terrified” her. This I can relate to  really well. The strange feeling you are different then everyone else, but not having a word for it is really terrifying. You may have a word for same sex attractions but not often one for what you feel. Even growing up in a gay and lesbian friendly environment didn’t mean that Wood knew about bisexuality she mentions in her interview.This content is for members only.

It wasn’t until she was older kid and “I didn’t even know bisexuality was a thing until I heard actress Fairuza Balk talk about it when I was a kid. I was like: ‘Oh my God, you can like both—and that’s OK.’ It was revelation.” She tells Marie Claire magazine.

Knowledge can make all the difference in the world. It can mean the difference between isolation and community and in the most extreme cases, like in cases of bullying it can mean the difference between life and death. Thankfully we are now in an age where younger and younger people have access to scores of information on the internet and things travel from Facebook, to Twitter, to Tumblr and back in what feels like the blink of an eye. Continue reading »

Busting Bisexual Myths, Part 3

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(image: stock.xchng.com)

Last time I discussed the ideas that bisexual people are cheating, disease carrying transphobic people accepted readily in heterosexual society. All of which turned out to be completely false. So to wrap this up I’m going to hammer down  few more myths and misconceptions and then include a few truths to balance out all the lies.

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Myth 9: Polyamorous bisexuals give the bisexual movement a bad image

This is of course false. It plays back into the old “bisexuals can’t be satisfied” myth. There are straight and gay polyamorous people just as there are bisexual ones. As long as every one is consenting and honest it should not matter. You know what does give a bad image? Being a jerk who judges others. Continue reading »

Busting Bisexual Myths, Part 2

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(Image credit: Freedigitalphotos.net | Idea go)

Having a certain ratio of attraction to the idea that bisexuals change orientations based on the gender of [a] partner they are with, I busted them all last time on Busting Bisexual Myths . Now in part two of this series, we are going to look at a few older but still common ones, such as whether bisexuals can be faithful; to newer ones like the idea that bisexuals hate transgender people.

Myth 5: Don’t ever date a bisexual person! They will always cheat on you and be unfaithful.

The first problem with this is that it a logical fallacy. It assumes that the person has met and dated every single bisexual ever, through time and space and thus can draw this conclusion. But sometimes pointing things out logically just won’t work on some people. This idea is perpetuated through bad media and stereotypes. Whether a person cheats has more to do with that person’s personality, the status of the relationship, and a million other things. A bi person is no more likely to cheat then a monosexual person is. Before you jump to blaming someone’s infidelity on sexuality, first look at things like whether their partner was a jerk  or the hundreds of other things that make people cheat. I’m pretty sure things like that have more influence on cheating then simply being bisexual.This content is for members only.

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True Blood: Burning Down the House

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(Image Credit: Home Box Office, Inc.) Four hot vampires, left to right: Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), Pam (Kristen Bauer van Straten), Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), and Bill (Stephen Moyer)

Tonight’s True Blood episode “Burning Down the House” begins with a bang, or better a fairy spark, from our heroine Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin). As both Eric (under Antonia’s spell) and Bill continue their battle to a vampire death, a strong glow of light beams from her hand onto Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard), shaking him out of the spell and shocking all of his memories back. This causes them to cease fighting, as the lead witch Antonia/Marnie (Fiona Shaw) leaves with her fellow witches and two of the spellbound vampires. Eventually the vampires and Sookie turn their attention to the victims of the coven massacre. This content is for members only.

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True Blood: On the Run

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(Image Credit: Home Box Office, Inc.) Sookie fantasies about Eric (left) and Bill in a dreamy bi threesome about being in love with two men.

True Blood’s latest episode “Let’s Get Out of Here” (aka “Run!”) begins right where the previous episode closed, with Alcide Herveaux (Joe Manganiello) finding an injured Sookie Stackhouse (played by the openly bi actress Anna Paquin) and carrying her away, as both Eric and Bill sense her distress due to their “bloodbond” (i.e. humans are telepathically linked to the vampires they have fed from). Of course, her former lover Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) races to her aid, taking her from Alcide into her home, while Eric was taken away by the lead witch Antonia/Marnie (Fiona Shaw). Eventually Sookie recovers, and Bill joins others in the search for Eric.

Sookie soon rests and falls asleep with a quite a fantasy. She begins dreaming about Eric when Bill shows up.  Continue reading »

What Should I Do? My Man Wants Monogamy But I Don’t

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 Bi Life with Ronete Cohen receives questions from the bisexual and other communities regarding sexuality, advice, support, mental health issues and more. Please submit all questions to Ronete Cohen, psychologist for assistance.

DisclaimersThe Bi Life with Ronete Cohen is not a 24-hour emergency service. If you are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide, please seek emergency help. For a suicide prevention hotline where you live, please check the International Suicide Prevention Wiki. For online suicide prevention, please check the Online Suicide Prevention Wiki.This content is for members only.

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Saying GoodBye To Amy Winehouse

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(Image Credit:) Wikimedia.com/Massic80

Last Saturday, July 23, 2011, the news came that UK singer Amy Winehouse was found dead at her home, at the age of 27. Her chronicles of drug abuse and other problems have been so painstakingly (and in my opinion, too often cruelly), talked about in the press that even if you went out of your way to avoid hearing about her, you still did. In the back of most peoples’ minds it seems, it was always assumed there was a significant chance she’d die young, like many creative but troubled artists before her. But after last Saturday, it was still a shock. The cause of death is still yet undetermined; at this point, drug overdose and suicide are the two most suspected causes. I had heard about her last time in rehab just this year and had hoped that it would finally be successful; but the stage disaster that caused the canceled tour was heartbreaking to watch. I liked her music, and feel a talent with great potential has been lost; both due to her own problems and ours of making her into a comedy show. Continue reading »

Capital Queer Prom: A Night To Remember

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Evereyone remembers their prom (or sometimes proms, if you go two years in a row). Even if you don’t actually go to it, you remember the time period surrounding it, and the stories of your friends who went. For a lot of bisexual, lesbian, gay and transgender (BLGT) kids, it can be fun, but also bittersweet and confusing. If you get to go with your friends or with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend as your date, then everything should be fine. But if you are queer in some way, especially if you are not out, then you are either hiding a secret, or possibly feeling that something is missing. I wasn’t out when I went to my two proms. And though I was with someone I was happy with and with a group of friends, proms were some of the rare times I actually thought about my “secret” (bisexuality) and wondered how my proms would have been different if all of the BLGT kids had been allowed to be themselves. I enjoyed going with a boyfriend, but part of me felt like I should have had a second prom and seen what it was like to go with a girl and be in a queer environment. I later learned that there were several kids who were not straight in some way and had wondered the same thing. But no one talked about it too openly; the idea of a “gay prom” was more of a joke than anything else. I remember thinking, why did there have to be a “straight prom” and a “gay prom”? Couldn’t we just have one big prom, and everyone be themselves?

Unfortunately it seems that fifteen years later it’s still hard for BLGT kids and straight kids to have a prom together. While there has been some progress on this front, we as a society have a long way to go. The unfortunate case of Constance McMillen showed this. Last year Constance wanted to take her girlfriend to her prom, and it caused a huge uproar as the school would not allow it. The comments her classmates were writing on facebook were frightening; I had thought homo and biphobia was bad when I was her age, but this was the worst I’d ever seen. I wondered whether kids like Constance would ever get to have a “normal prom”.

It was around then that I heard about Washington DC’s Capital Queer Prom. It had been going on in my area for about five years. It was an event thrown around prom time every year by several BLGT organizations, where the queer community could bring whoever they wanted to prom and be out. Anyone could come; BLGT adults could finally experience prom the way they had wanted it to be, or as in my case, that second prom they’d always wondered about. This content is for members only.

Ted Haggard Finally Admits He’s Bisexual

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Former Pastor Ted Haggard (Image Credit: Free Online Picture)

Who could forget Ted Haggard’s Gay Sex Scandal back in 2006? For those of you who missed it, Ted Haggard was a well known Evangelical preacher who led a Christian mega church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He was very influential in George W. Bush’s inner circle and became somewhat of a conservative celebrity. He was of course, very much anti bisexual, lesbian, gay and transgender (BLGT) rights. Then a huge scandal hit—a gay masseur and personal trainer named Mike Jones came forward and said Haggard had been paying him for gay sex (and sometimes doing drugs in front of him) for about a year and a half. There was a media firestorm—a vociferous opponent of BLGT rights engaging in gay sex? It was too good a story for the media to resist, and also a lot of people felt that in some way it was “poetic justice”. Continue reading »

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