STUDY: Kids Of Same-Sex Female Couples Are Well-Adjusted

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(Image Credit:) Wikimediacommons.com/Magnus Manske

A new study has come out that’s being hailed as groundbreaking: Teens of Lesbians Just as Happy as Teens of Straight Parents, Study Finds. As much as I wish they’d said “same-sex female couples” instead of “lesbian couples”, it’s obvious that this applies to bisexual women in same sex female relationships as well.

A summary of the basics of the study: “The study took 78 17-year-olds from the NLLFS—all of whom have lesbian mothers—and matched them based on gender, age, parental education, and ethnic background with 78 17-year-olds who have opposite-sex parents. All were scored based on their responses to statements like, ‘I feel I’m getting along with my parents/guardians,’ ‘I look forward to the future,’ and ‘I feel good about myself.’ The result? Both groups “responded generally in the same way. The study also found that teens with lesbian mothers had no difference in quality of life based on known vs. unknown donors or on whether their mothers were still together or had separated. Additionally, it found that although nearly half of the NLLFS adolescents said they had been teased, excluded from activities, or stereotyped as being different, particularly by classmates, as a result of having a lesbian mother, this was not associated with a lesser quality of life. Previous studies from the NLLFS have found that the teens ‘demonstrate significantly higher social competence’ and ‘significantly lower total problem behavior than the standard population’. Additionally, a previous study found that among the 78 children in the NLLFS, none report having ever been physically or sexually abused by a parent or other caregiver. This contrasts with 26 percent of American adolescents who report parent or caregiver physical abuse and 8.3 percent who report sexual abuse.”

It’s great that this study came out and that it’s all over the media. But many of us in the BLGT (Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Lesbian) community are going “Duh!” We’ve known and been saying this for years. Still, just like with the study that finally “proved” that bisexual men exist, it’s nice to see it in writing, and better it comes late than never. Now of course GLBT right wing opponents will try and find some way to discredit this study, but their attempts are beginning to look more and more foolish.

It’s interesting that the study showed that not only are the teens well adjusted, but in general they actually seem to be better adjusted, despite some teasing, than their counterparts with opposite-sex parents. Now of course there are bisexual women in opposite sex relationships too.  I would like to see a study that focuses specifically on both same-sex and opposite-sex couples that have at least one bisexual partner.  It would be interesting to see if having a bisexual parents (or two) makes any difference.  I would guess not, and I’m sure there were bisexual women in this study, but still it would be nice to have a study that focused more on bisexuality as a factor.

Another “unsurprise –there was no sexual abuse—yet another thing BLGT people already knew. I definitely hope to see more studies like this—and next time I hope they involve bisexuality or at least use the phrase “same-sex” couple(s)!

Liking A Boy Who Likes Girls And Boys

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OPINION: I often read a blog called The Good Men Project (check it out). I like the diversity of opinion and respectfulness of the blog, as well as the strong emphasis on the rights of women, minorities, and Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender (BLGT) people. A few days ago I stumbled across the article A Girl Who Likes Boys Who Like Boys: The Joy of Dating Gay Men by Feminist Dating Blogger. The article talked about the author’s history of dating men who turned out to be gay, how she was not ashamed of it (that’s good to hear), as well as a short summary of her dating history, and how as a feminist she views gender roles. She talks about the good points of dating gay men, how they are more open with their emotions and responsive to their partners’ feelings, how despite this many still act in a way society would consider “masculine” and interestingly—what good lovers they are, even when they are with women. She also talks about changing gender rules and how they can be fluid, and the line below the picture says “the only problem with dating gay men is that they’re gay.”

It’s a great article—really; it is well written, with many good points. But as I was reading it all I could think of was the big elephant in the room: “Where is the word bisexual?” Even “fluid” made it in when talking about sexuality, but the word bisexual and idea of dating a bisexual guy didn’t? Many bisexual guys would occupy that “space” between straight and gay—you could date a guy who has some of the qualities that many women like in gay men but who actually likes women as well! I can even understand the author having a personal preference of not talking about herself dating a bisexual man, but at least mention that they exist! People mentioned this in the comments section of course, but if would have been so much better if it had been mentioned in the article. I hope more writers who write about GLBT issues start to acknowledge bisexuality; especially when the theme of an article practically screams for it.  Let’s have some bivisiblity here; especially since now “everyone” knows that bisexual men actually exist.

Let’s Hear It For More Bisexual Visibility in 2012

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Why bisexuals are everywhere (Credit Image: Stock.xchng)

Earlier in 2011, I was in session with a straight teenager. I had already told him more than once that using the word gay to mean lame really hurts bisexual, lesbian, gay and transgender kids. He knew about the bullying, the suicides. He himself had been bullied. He understood and was careful not to use this word at school.

In my psychotherapy sessions, anything goes: you can say what you like and use bad language. But I was helping him with social skills too, so when he used the word gay in a derogatory sense again, I reminded him of the consequences this can have. He said he knew that and was careful to use it only when he was sure there were no gays or lesbians around. So I looked him straight in the eye and said: “How can you be so sure?” He’s known me for long enough to know I live with a man. ”Are you a lesbian?” he asked, to prove a point. “No, that wouldn’t be very nice for my partner,” I replied. “See?” he said. So I said, “Have you ever heard of bisexuals?” If it hadn’t been for the sound of his jaw hitting the floor, you would have been able to hear a pin drop.

I must admit it’s never easy coming out to a teenage male client with the obligatory porn habit. It took him the week between sessions to get the idea that I was ‘kinky’ out of his head and be relaxed about it. The next time I saw him he told me that he had completely stopped using the word gay in that way. He even started telling other people off for doing it, not caring less about the teasing he gets as a result. See? Visibility makes a difference.

In December 2011, I recorded a public coming out for the Dutch lesbian/bisexual site La Vita (online soon). There are still so few visible bisexuals out there when bisexual visibility would make such a huge difference to so many lives. A good New Year’s resolution for those of you who are ready would be to make yourselves visible. But we can all help bisexual visibility by supporting Bi Social Network. We won’t survive for much longer without your financial support. Every little bit counts, so put your money where your mouth is and make us all visible.

A Very Bi Holiday: Dealing and Decorating

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(Credit Image: stock.xcng.hu)

Now that most of us have emerged from the turkey induced coma that was Thanksgiving we have a great task before us. Decorating for the holiday of our choice this winter and dealing with the large amounts of time with extended family and the awkwardness that can bring. First we’ll deal with that and then move onto some fun bi themed decorating ideas. (Warning, I’m in no way Martha Stewart so use at your own risk!)

Maybe like me, you managed to avoid a large family thanksgiving and are now worried that while you may have escaped you know have a whole month and a few days for relatives to drop in for longer times. Relatives like; Conservative Uncle Joe, Great Aunt Tilly, Loud Mouth Cousin Lenny and Over Sharing Sister Sara. Most families seem to have these types of characters in them. Uncle Joe will loudly talk about how “the gays” are taking over the world, or marriage equality is destroying marriage! Great Aunt Tilly can’t remember your name and talks about Farmville too much and then Loud Mouth Lenny and Over Sharing Sara embarrass or out you to everyone causing a huge awkward silence. What is a bi person to do?This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Safe Spaces Save Lives

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A study done recently  showed that
Gay Straight Alliance Clubs (GSA) radically reduce the amount of suffering bisexual, lesbian, gay and transgender (BLGT) students face.

From my own experience I know how valuable these places and groups can be in contributing to your mental health, especially in times of depression, anxiety and stress. Caitlin Ryan the author, of the study, interviewed and surveyed over the course of several months in 2005 people ages 21-25 about their GSA’s. She found that bullying and BLGT related trauma can last well into adulthood and can still continue on, as we have seen with the likes of Dan Savage  and other biphobic cementers. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Secretary Clinton on International Human Rights Day

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United Nation's Logo for International Human Rights Day 2011 (Image Credit: United Nations)

Earlier this week, President Barack Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton shared support for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community. On Tuesday, Secretary Clinton shared key remarks at the United Nation’s General Assembly in Switzerland. This was in recognition of International Human Rights Day, which occurs December 10 each year. Her speech was delivered just moments after the Presidential Memorandum was released.

In her speech, Secretary Clinton highlighted a brief background on Human Rights Day, which began during the aftermath of World War II  to help ensure and protect the “inherent humanity and dignity of all people.” After almost two years of drafting among delegates from six different continents, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) was adopted on December 10, 1948. In short, Secretary Clinton noted, “Because we are human, we therefore have rights. And because we have rights, governments are bound to protect them.” This content is for members only.
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A Study On Bisexual Women

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(Image Credit:) Wikimediacommons.com/MaraB.

It appears that yet another study has come about bisexuals, this one specifically about bisexual women. It’s good to see so many studies being done about us; hopefully that will help combat invisibility, and it’s great to see more attention being paid to women as well. I’ve written about several of these studies before, including ones about bisexual men, mental health in our community, bi invisibility, and others. This study was a local one, done at George Mason University in my neck of the woods. I participated in it by filling out some forms and questionnaires that were sent out all over the bisexual community, particularly over the internet.

While the study being done was a great thing, the results unfortunately were not. The headline of the study is called Bisexual Women Suffer Stress and Depression. Some key parts parts of the study summarized: “Bisexual women are more likely to smoke, binge drink and suffer from stress and depression, due to feelings of invisibility and little community support. Interestingly, gay and straight women do not have the same risk for alcohol abuse and depression as bisexual women. The study looked at how three different dimensions of sexuality – identity, behavior and attraction - linked with health problems.  The study also says that bisexual men seemed to have significantly lower risks for the same things.”  Well, are we surprised?  I wish I could say yes, but unfortunately, other than specifically focusing on bisexual women, there is nothing new here.  Next I’d like to see a study with suggestions on how to remedy this! This content is for members only.

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A Glittered Bully is Still a Bully

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[stock.xchng.com

Dan Savage, you’ve been glitter bombed twice in the space of a few weeks! Congratulations! This enters you into the hallowed glitter-bombed halls with people like Michael Bachman and her husband’s ex-gay “therapy” clinic, Newt Gingrich and Karl Rove! Judging by your website and column I really don’t think you want to be in with those people. So why are you in there? Because through your actions and words you’ve shown that it is only going to get better for some of us. Specifically white, cisgender (meaning not transgender) gay males and lesbians. Everyone else can go pound on some sand until our hands fall off.

Why are bisexuals and transgender people mad enough to use the same tactic that gets used on bigots like Michele Bachman and Karl Rove? Because of words Mr. Savage and the dehumanizing effect they have on people. This content is for members only.

Last week, according to Bilerico said, “According to my source at the event, Savage was in the middle of answering a question from a student who was wondering if her boyfriend was a freak because he watched porn featuring trans[gender] women. Savage suggested that her boyfriend was a “freak,” while freely using the terms “shemale” and “freaky tranny porn.”

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Reflections On Internalized Homophobia or Biphobia, Part 2

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(Image Credit:) WikimediaCommons.org/LuMaxArt

In my last article I wrote about internalized biphobia and/or homophobia, and how I had recently experienced it myself. At the end I had asked: So—what to do? How do those of us in the bisexual, gay, lesbian and transgender (BLGT) community who deal with this, try and move past it?

Talk about tackling a difficult issue! While the BLGT community’s efforts have had some effects on making at least the more liberal parts of the straight community more tolerant and supportive of BLGT people, ironically and unfortunately, it seems to have had more trouble doing the same with internalized homophobia and/or biphobia. One major effort made by BLGT organizations, early education in schools—explaining to kids that just like some people are black, and there’s nothing wrong with that, some people have two mommies or two daddies instead of one mommy and one daddy, and that’s okay—has been shown not only to significantly reduce bullying, but it also seems to result in less internalized biphobia and/or homophobia. Having Gay-Straight Alliances in schools as kids get older and form clubs in school is also a great idea, and there are more of them springing up. However, while schools in a few states have managed to implement these early education measures, both these and the Gay-Straight Alliance efforts have been met with huge backlashes from the religious community, as well from well-meaning parents who were scared by propaganda of their children being “taught to be gay”.  The Gay-Straight Alliance Clubs have met more success, but still face significant barriers. As a result, many have programs have either been severely curtailed or completely done away with. I strongly believe that if more of these early educational measures could be implemented, it could really make a dent in helping kids BLGT kids with internalized biphobia and/or homophobia. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

No Sex Please, We’re Women

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(Credit Image: Della Calfee) Titled "Ass Like That"

It is a well-known fact that, when it comes to sex, men and women are very different. Or are they? Sai Gaddam claims to have proven that in his large-scale study, and he’s a neuroscientist. If you ask him, he’ll tell you that “To appeal to a man, whether straight or gay, it’s enough to entice his body with visual images. To appeal to a woman, you have to speak to her mind and seek approval from it.” He explains homosexuality, bisexuality and transsexuality as a result of male and female sexual software being swapped around. Incidentally, he also believes that gay men have larger penises than straight men. I’m not the only one who is gobsmacked by how he presents theory as fact and uses selective data to back what he already believes. And just in case you were curious (I was, so I checked), the penis size one is based on very old data where men were asked how big their penises were, and we all know men never lie about that!

More recently, a team from the University of Michigan took a critical look at research on which we base much of what we think we know about sexuality and gender. In their paper “Women, Men, and the Bedroom: Methodological and Conceptual Insights That Narrow, Reframe, and Eliminate Gender Differences in Sexuality” they once and for all put to rest some stubborn and unsubstantiated old wives’ tales. Turns out we do like sex after all and we’re not just shopping for good genes for our children. Who would have thought? You know the one about men wanting a partner who is sexy and women a partner with status? Not true. And the one about women wanting and having fewer sexual partners than men? A close look at the numbers from previous research showed that there is no difference in the desired number of partners. And what about the actual number of sexual partners? Well, any differences disappeared when the men and women were connected to a (fake) lie detector and were therefore forced to tell the truth. So, no gender differences in sexual appetites either. But surely men think about sex more often than women do? Well, when men were asked to think about sex, food and sleep, they did think about all three more than women did. So it’s not sex, it’s simply that men are more attentive to their own needs. Okay, then what about all the stuff we keep hearing about women having orgasms less frequently than men? Well, it depends. If their partner knows what he/she is doing, the difference disappears. And, finally, is it true that women like casual sex less than men do? Turns out that if the person offering is attractive and known to be good in bed, plus there’s no danger of being stigmatised for sleeping around (because we all know that a woman who sleeps with someone who turns her on is a total slut…), then a woman is just as likely to say yes as a man is. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

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