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What Does The Removal Of Proposition 8 Mean For The Bisexual Community?
August 12, 2010 By
(Image) wikimedia.com/Second Life/TwoWings
With all the depressing headlines lately, last week when I heard that Prop 8 had been overturned in California, at first I thought it was either a joke or I had to be dreaming. I admit I had stopped following the progress of the anti-Prop 8 fight, having lost faith in CA ever giving BLGT people back their rights after they voted in Prop 8 in 2008. I never thought they would strike it down so quickly (within two years).
Naturally what followed was a lot of celebrating in the BLGT community (especially in CA!) and then the sober realization that Prop 8 or something like it could very easily be reinstated; within 24 hours anti-equality groups had already filed an appeal, and hateful articles and quotes have sprung up all over the internet.
In the aftermath of everything, an interesting question popped up: what does the overturning of Prop 8 mean for the bisexual community, and how will it affect us? For starters, many of us remember it was only a few months ago that we were being brought up as a scapegoat reason not to get rid of Prop 8! Some cynically said that’s the only time we’ve been mentioned in the whole Prop 8 saga; and unfortunately there is some truth to that. It seems that one thing the celebrations have shown is that we’re still barely being acknowledged as even being part of the fight for same-sex rights; at least not when there’s good news.
I kept hearing and reading last week about the rights of “gays and lesbians” to marry and how this will affect them marrying in California. Occasionally someone said or wrote all four BLGT letters, I think I actually saw the word bisexual written out once. You’d think after being listed as a reason not to take away Prop 8, we’d at least get more than that!
That being said, this also presents several positive opportunities for the bisexual community; to celebrate with the rest of our BLGT brothers and sisters, to be more vocal and visible, and to remind people that as bisexuals, this is a victory and a right for us too. A big part of the victory is that bisexual men and women living in CA will now be able to marry their same sex partners, and for some in the closet, it may mean finally coming out.
It’s also a new opportunity to put ourselves in the spotlight more as out bisexuals and help in the fight to keep Prop 8 (and other laws like it around the country) from coming back and/or from being passed. This can be accomplished both by working with other BLGT people and by focusing on the unique needs of our own community. If we step back and get discouraged, things will never change.
Someone Thinks Bisexuals Are Lying-Again
July 29, 2010 By
It seems that if bisexuals don't match up with society's image of what they should be, they are "lying." (Image: IStock.com)
Recently for me there’s been some good news and some bad news; the good news is I haven’t run out of or had to look far for topics to write about for several weeks now. The bad news is it’s because there’s been so much biphobia going around I’ve been kept busy answering it all! The culprit this time is a site I honestly thought was more open minded; Okcupid.com. Having not only used the site myself but having had several friends on it, I’ve always found it to be a welcoming place for bisexuals, as well as for BLGT people and straight people.
So imagine my surprise when a couple of weeks ago this page began circulating on the internet: The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating. About halfway down the page, the fourth “lie” said this: “‘I’m bisexual.’ REALITY: 80 percent of self-identified bisexuals are only interested in one gender. OkCupid is a gay- and bi-friendly place and it’s not our intention here to call into question anyone’s sexual identity. But when we looked into messaging trends by sexuality, we were very surprised at what we found. People who describe themselves as bisexual overwhelmingly message either one sex or the other, not both as you might expect.” If you want to see just this itself without the other “lies” expanded out, check out this page by Raspberry mousse: OK Cupid believes that bisexuality is one of online dating’s “biggest lies.”
It seems that Ok Cupid tries to say it’s not trying to question sexual identity, and then proceeds to do just that. Nowhere in the “argument” is there even a hint as to other reasons why these so called “trends” might be true (one obvious reason is that men tend to message back much more than women on any dating site, so it makes sense one gender would message more, and there are many other reasons as well) or try to look at this in any way besides implying that the people who say they are bisexual on the site must mostly be lying. What’s also sad is that when I posted this, even some so called “allies” tried to say it wasn’t that big a deal, that it was just “data”. I asked if it would be just “data” if the same thing was posted about black people or gay people; for some odd reason I didn’t get a response. Of course it wouldn’t be; it only seems to be acceptable when it’s about bisexuals.
So, what is the best reaction? Some people have chosen to boycott Okcupid. I thought about it at first, but others from the bisexual community thought it would be best to use this as a reason to start a dialogue; and several have written emails to Okcupid, as did I. In my opinion that is the best way to deal with something like this; to write polite but firm emails explaining why such posts are unacceptable when they negate the existence of an entire group. One way is to use the comments section at the bottom of the “lies” page on Okcupid; from what I understand they do actually read their comments. Another way is on the main site, in the lower right corner; there is an “about us” section that will lead you to the contact page.
One good thing that has come out of all the biphobia in recent weeks: I’ve seen the bisexual community more united than I’ve ever seen it before. Biphobia is quickly recognized and responses are swift; and there is more and more dialogue between different parts of the community. I sincerely hope that all of this adversity will help us to step up, unite, and find our voices. Let the dawn of our awakening begin.
Bisexuality on the Real World Revisited
May 6, 2010 By
(Photo by: MTV.com/Real World) Mike Manning talks about being bisexual on the Real World
It seems that by now almost everyone has heard of the “Real World Controversy” over Mike Manning’s sexuality (Coming Out Bisexual on The Real World). Queerty still seems to feel the need to publish biphobic articles (Will Anyone Ever Believe Real World DC‘s Mike Manning Is Bi? is the worst but there are so many others on that site) when talking about him, and the comments are no better. It is truly amazing how someone’s bisexuality seems to be a huge threat to some people’s feelings of “gayness.” It’s also pretty much public knowledge (Emily’s interview) now that both Mike Manning and Emily Schromm’s sexuality was glossed over the by the editors of The Real World—who made Mike appear to be only with men, when he hooked up with at least one girl on the show, a fellow cast mate, Ashley (Real World DC Episode 8 Aftershow).
Emily had also hooked up with a fellow cast mate, a guy name Ty, but in her AfterEllen interview she said that while on the show she was more into girls and brought several home, that was never shown on the show. Other hookups and relationships by some of the straight cast members were also not shown, so it is conceivable that everything could have just been edited out for the sake of brevity. However, it does seem that at least one or two references to Mike and Emily’s different choices of dates could have been made. Was it just normal editing of a show, or deliberate biphobia and bisexual erasure?
About a month ago, right around the time the Real World DC show ended, MTV aired a Real World DC Reunion Show (viewable here at MTV), where the cast members from the show come back together and talk now that the show has ended. The last portion of the reunion show was particularly interesting, as Mike Manning and Emily Schromm discussed their bisexuality. It started with clips being of other cast members openly doubting Mike’s sexuality during the course of the show; saying he’s really gay.
(Photo by: MTV.com/Real World) Emily Schromm
Mike and Emily both then talked about their bisexuality. Mike said that although he leans more towards men, he is still attracted to women, and what bothers him the most is when people say that he is “lying” (for an example see Queerty’s article The Reason Mike Manning Brought So Many Bros Back to the Real World House?) He said he felt like saying to those people “Who are you to tell me who I am?” He also pointed out that he is fully out, so what would be the point of lying? The host then asked him in a rather skeptical tone how come he brought mostly men home during the show (although she seems to have forgotten the hookup with Ashley being edited out). Mike replied that because for the first time in his life “the candy store was open” when it came to men. Emily then expressed something similar about herself in regards to women, and expressed surprise that none of that was shown on the show. I remember surmising as much about why Mike brought home more men when the controversy first hit, so it was nice to hear him say that. He appears to also have his own blog now on Mike Gets Real, where he plans to talk about many of the issues that came up during the show.
After that, a couple of the cast members started saying that at a party the night before they had seen Mike going for girls. One of them even seemed like he might actually be convinced Mike was really bisexual. At least they took the time to listen to both Mike and Emily without contradicting them this time.
Mike’s question of “Who are you to tell me who I am?” is a very good one that all bisexuals should ask of those who seek to make us invisible or downplay our existence (Take Me Out To The Ballgame). Why is it so important to some people that we don’t exist, and who exactly are they to say that we don’t? Real World did not handle Mike and Emily’s sexuality the best way throughout the season, but it’s good that at least at the end of everything they allowed them to speak for themselves.
The GLBT Community and Religion
May 7, 2009 By
Today I’m going to talk about something rather controversial — the wacky, love-hate relationship between religion and the GLBT community. Why do so many GLBT people leave religion, and how do those that don’t, make peace with it? From my experience, many of us leave religion because we are tired of feeling hated and hating ourselves. If you grow up in a conservative form in one of the Abrahamic religions, as I did (Catholic), you are taught that homosexuality and bisexuality are major sins, and ‘choices.’ If you discover when you are a teenager, that you are gay or bi or transgender, you feel a big feeling of shame — and then you try to hide, and step into the closet, where you can remain for years.
Some people can’t step out until after they loose their faith. Another reason is because so many religious leaders preach homophobia and do everything they can to block GLBT rights, such as gay marriage and other equal protections under the law. They seem to somehow think that equal rights will lead to total decadence (like it has in Europe, oh wait, it hasn’t!) Others are just tired of the hypocrisy — for example the Catholic church (especially this latest pope) routinely preaches against GLBT people — yet it’s a not very well kept secret that there are many closeted homo[sexuals] and bisexual priests, as well as nuns, who also have been blamed for the pedophilia scandal. It’s somehow their fault that the church seems to have a hard time protecting children and prosecuting those that would harm them. This is true in many other religions as well.Continue reading »