STUDY: Kids Of Same-Sex Female Couples Are Well-Adjusted

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(Image Credit:) Wikimediacommons.com/Magnus Manske

A new study has come out that’s being hailed as groundbreaking: Teens of Lesbians Just as Happy as Teens of Straight Parents, Study Finds. As much as I wish they’d said “same-sex female couples” instead of “lesbian couples”, it’s obvious that this applies to bisexual women in same sex female relationships as well.

A summary of the basics of the study: “The study took 78 17-year-olds from the NLLFS—all of whom have lesbian mothers—and matched them based on gender, age, parental education, and ethnic background with 78 17-year-olds who have opposite-sex parents. All were scored based on their responses to statements like, ‘I feel I’m getting along with my parents/guardians,’ ‘I look forward to the future,’ and ‘I feel good about myself.’ The result? Both groups “responded generally in the same way. The study also found that teens with lesbian mothers had no difference in quality of life based on known vs. unknown donors or on whether their mothers were still together or had separated. Additionally, it found that although nearly half of the NLLFS adolescents said they had been teased, excluded from activities, or stereotyped as being different, particularly by classmates, as a result of having a lesbian mother, this was not associated with a lesser quality of life. Previous studies from the NLLFS have found that the teens ‘demonstrate significantly higher social competence’ and ‘significantly lower total problem behavior than the standard population’. Additionally, a previous study found that among the 78 children in the NLLFS, none report having ever been physically or sexually abused by a parent or other caregiver. This contrasts with 26 percent of American adolescents who report parent or caregiver physical abuse and 8.3 percent who report sexual abuse.”

It’s great that this study came out and that it’s all over the media. But many of us in the BLGT (Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Lesbian) community are going “Duh!” We’ve known and been saying this for years. Still, just like with the study that finally “proved” that bisexual men exist, it’s nice to see it in writing, and better it comes late than never. Now of course GLBT right wing opponents will try and find some way to discredit this study, but their attempts are beginning to look more and more foolish.

It’s interesting that the study showed that not only are the teens well adjusted, but in general they actually seem to be better adjusted, despite some teasing, than their counterparts with opposite-sex parents. Now of course there are bisexual women in opposite sex relationships too.  I would like to see a study that focuses specifically on both same-sex and opposite-sex couples that have at least one bisexual partner.  It would be interesting to see if having a bisexual parents (or two) makes any difference.  I would guess not, and I’m sure there were bisexual women in this study, but still it would be nice to have a study that focused more on bisexuality as a factor.

Another “unsurprise –there was no sexual abuse—yet another thing BLGT people already knew. I definitely hope to see more studies like this—and next time I hope they involve bisexuality or at least use the phrase “same-sex” couple(s)!

Liking A Boy Who Likes Girls And Boys

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OPINION: I often read a blog called The Good Men Project (check it out). I like the diversity of opinion and respectfulness of the blog, as well as the strong emphasis on the rights of women, minorities, and Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender (BLGT) people. A few days ago I stumbled across the article A Girl Who Likes Boys Who Like Boys: The Joy of Dating Gay Men by Feminist Dating Blogger. The article talked about the author’s history of dating men who turned out to be gay, how she was not ashamed of it (that’s good to hear), as well as a short summary of her dating history, and how as a feminist she views gender roles. She talks about the good points of dating gay men, how they are more open with their emotions and responsive to their partners’ feelings, how despite this many still act in a way society would consider “masculine” and interestingly—what good lovers they are, even when they are with women. She also talks about changing gender rules and how they can be fluid, and the line below the picture says “the only problem with dating gay men is that they’re gay.”

It’s a great article—really; it is well written, with many good points. But as I was reading it all I could think of was the big elephant in the room: “Where is the word bisexual?” Even “fluid” made it in when talking about sexuality, but the word bisexual and idea of dating a bisexual guy didn’t? Many bisexual guys would occupy that “space” between straight and gay—you could date a guy who has some of the qualities that many women like in gay men but who actually likes women as well! I can even understand the author having a personal preference of not talking about herself dating a bisexual man, but at least mention that they exist! People mentioned this in the comments section of course, but if would have been so much better if it had been mentioned in the article. I hope more writers who write about GLBT issues start to acknowledge bisexuality; especially when the theme of an article practically screams for it.  Let’s have some bivisiblity here; especially since now “everyone” knows that bisexual men actually exist.

Safe Spaces Save Lives

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A study done recently  showed that
Gay Straight Alliance Clubs (GSA) radically reduce the amount of suffering bisexual, lesbian, gay and transgender (BLGT) students face.

From my own experience I know how valuable these places and groups can be in contributing to your mental health, especially in times of depression, anxiety and stress. Caitlin Ryan the author, of the study, interviewed and surveyed over the course of several months in 2005 people ages 21-25 about their GSA’s. She found that bullying and BLGT related trauma can last well into adulthood and can still continue on, as we have seen with the likes of Dan Savage  and other biphobic cementers. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

A Study On Bisexual Women

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(Image Credit:) Wikimediacommons.com/MaraB.

It appears that yet another study has come about bisexuals, this one specifically about bisexual women. It’s good to see so many studies being done about us; hopefully that will help combat invisibility, and it’s great to see more attention being paid to women as well. I’ve written about several of these studies before, including ones about bisexual men, mental health in our community, bi invisibility, and others. This study was a local one, done at George Mason University in my neck of the woods. I participated in it by filling out some forms and questionnaires that were sent out all over the bisexual community, particularly over the internet.

While the study being done was a great thing, the results unfortunately were not. The headline of the study is called Bisexual Women Suffer Stress and Depression. Some key parts parts of the study summarized: “Bisexual women are more likely to smoke, binge drink and suffer from stress and depression, due to feelings of invisibility and little community support. Interestingly, gay and straight women do not have the same risk for alcohol abuse and depression as bisexual women. The study looked at how three different dimensions of sexuality – identity, behavior and attraction - linked with health problems.  The study also says that bisexual men seemed to have significantly lower risks for the same things.”  Well, are we surprised?  I wish I could say yes, but unfortunately, other than specifically focusing on bisexual women, there is nothing new here.  Next I’d like to see a study with suggestions on how to remedy this! This content is for members only.

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A Glittered Bully is Still a Bully

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Dan Savage, you’ve been glitter bombed twice in the space of a few weeks! Congratulations! This enters you into the hallowed glitter-bombed halls with people like Michael Bachman and her husband’s ex-gay “therapy” clinic, Newt Gingrich and Karl Rove! Judging by your website and column I really don’t think you want to be in with those people. So why are you in there? Because through your actions and words you’ve shown that it is only going to get better for some of us. Specifically white, cisgender (meaning not transgender) gay males and lesbians. Everyone else can go pound on some sand until our hands fall off.

Why are bisexuals and transgender people mad enough to use the same tactic that gets used on bigots like Michele Bachman and Karl Rove? Because of words Mr. Savage and the dehumanizing effect they have on people. This content is for members only.

Last week, according to Bilerico said, “According to my source at the event, Savage was in the middle of answering a question from a student who was wondering if her boyfriend was a freak because he watched porn featuring trans[gender] women. Savage suggested that her boyfriend was a “freak,” while freely using the terms “shemale” and “freaky tranny porn.”

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Reflections On Internalized Homophobia or Biphobia, Part 2

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(Image Credit:) WikimediaCommons.org/LuMaxArt

In my last article I wrote about internalized biphobia and/or homophobia, and how I had recently experienced it myself. At the end I had asked: So—what to do? How do those of us in the bisexual, gay, lesbian and transgender (BLGT) community who deal with this, try and move past it?

Talk about tackling a difficult issue! While the BLGT community’s efforts have had some effects on making at least the more liberal parts of the straight community more tolerant and supportive of BLGT people, ironically and unfortunately, it seems to have had more trouble doing the same with internalized homophobia and/or biphobia. One major effort made by BLGT organizations, early education in schools—explaining to kids that just like some people are black, and there’s nothing wrong with that, some people have two mommies or two daddies instead of one mommy and one daddy, and that’s okay—has been shown not only to significantly reduce bullying, but it also seems to result in less internalized biphobia and/or homophobia. Having Gay-Straight Alliances in schools as kids get older and form clubs in school is also a great idea, and there are more of them springing up. However, while schools in a few states have managed to implement these early education measures, both these and the Gay-Straight Alliance efforts have been met with huge backlashes from the religious community, as well from well-meaning parents who were scared by propaganda of their children being “taught to be gay”.  The Gay-Straight Alliance Clubs have met more success, but still face significant barriers. As a result, many have programs have either been severely curtailed or completely done away with. I strongly believe that if more of these early educational measures could be implemented, it could really make a dent in helping kids BLGT kids with internalized biphobia and/or homophobia. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Terrific Not Terrifying: Support the Internet and Being Bisexual

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Actress Evan Rachel Wood attends 'The Ides Of March' premiere during the 68th Venice Film Festival at Palazzo del Cinema on August 31, 2011 in Venice, Italy.

In a recent  interview Evan Rachel Wood talked about how as a child her bisexuality ”terrified” her. This I can relate to  really well. The strange feeling you are different then everyone else, but not having a word for it is really terrifying. You may have a word for same sex attractions but not often one for what you feel. Even growing up in a gay and lesbian friendly environment didn’t mean that Wood knew about bisexuality she mentions in her interview.This content is for members only.

It wasn’t until she was older kid and “I didn’t even know bisexuality was a thing until I heard actress Fairuza Balk talk about it when I was a kid. I was like: ‘Oh my God, you can like both—and that’s OK.’ It was revelation.” She tells Marie Claire magazine.

Knowledge can make all the difference in the world. It can mean the difference between isolation and community and in the most extreme cases, like in cases of bullying it can mean the difference between life and death. Thankfully we are now in an age where younger and younger people have access to scores of information on the internet and things travel from Facebook, to Twitter, to Tumblr and back in what feels like the blink of an eye. Continue reading »

Reflections On Internalized Homophobia or Biphobia, Part 1

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(Image Credit:) istock.com

Internalized homo[phobia] and/or biphobia are defined as negative feeling towards oneself because of one’s homosexuality or bisexuality. It causes severe discomfort with or disapproval of one’s own sexual orientation. Sometimes the term “internalized stigma” is used instead. In addition, internalized biphobia can also include denying bisexuality exists and engaging in bisexual invisibility, as well as propagating some of the other stereotypes about bisexuals. Social homophobia and/or biphobia is the fear of being identified as gay or bisexual, especially in public.

Why bring these up? Because last week, I, bisexual crusader, writer, and activist for bisexual, lesbian, gay, and transgender rights, experienced some internalized homophobia or biphobia that I had thought long gone, and realized that I have a longer way to go getting rid of it that I had realized. I can’t be out to my family, but I am out to co-workers (on this site, I would hope so!) and to all of my close friends, and I’ve participated in several BLGT events where I’ve felt out and proud, and pretty outspoken about bisexuality and its place in both the gay and straight communities. So imagine my surprise when last week, during my swimming aerobics class, a girl in my class (who I assumed was either bisexual or a lesbian because of a rainbow sticker on her backpack that I saw in the locker room) started trying to flirt with me and catch my eye during class. I wear bracelets that have the rainbow and bi colors on them (luckily my family doesn’t know what they mean), and she obviously recognized them. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Going Purple: October 20 is Spirit Day

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(Credit) glaad.org/spiritday

Bullying is one of the, if not the biggest mental health issue our community faces today. As someone who has been bullied both in high school and later in life I can not support Spirit Day enough. Purple hair? Check! Purple socks, shirt and shoe laces? Double check! But you don’t have to do anything so drastic as having purple hair in order to show your support for this cause. You can support anti-bullying and increase your own visibility with out the smell of hair bleach stinking up your bathroom!

Spirit Day, October 20 was started last year on Facebook by Brittany McMillan as a response to the rash of recent  bisexual, lesbian, gay and transgender (BLGT) youth suicides that had happened that year because of bullying. This content is for members only.

Every year on Spirit Day people wear purple to show their support for victims of bullying and against suicide. You can choose to have purple hair and face paint on for spirit day, but a purple shirt, ribbon or arm band should suffice. Thanks to technology there are now tons of ways to support this cause.This year the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is spearheading the campaign with Facebook events, Twitter campaigns and with the opening of Google+ a +1 button is right along side the ubiquitous Facebook “like” one on their page. On their website  you can take the pledge to wear purple and e-mail it to interested friends and family members. One of the coolest parts of the GLAAD   internet campaign is the tools that allow you to create a purple version of your social media user picture. You can take any photo from Facebook, run it through their application and come out with a purple tinged version of it to show your support! Perhaps you have the newest version of Facebook that has the large banner or cover photo on your profile page. GLAAD has a downloadable cover you can put up on your profile to show your support.

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Homecoming Out: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Meet New People.

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Even the funniest, most seemingly happy go lucky people can get depressed or anxious. I was feeling terribly down and out for the last few weeks. Recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition I started shutting down, feeling bummed out and isolated especially from any in person bisexual, lesbian gay and transgender (BLGT ) community. The recent Bisexual Invisibility report showed that bisexual people are more likely to feel depressed, lonely and isolated then gay or straight people. The link between these feelings and bisexual invisibility in the larger community (both BLGT and straight) is pretty obvious. Thankfully I have a partner who can see when I’m getting this way and knows what to do. This content is for members only.

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