Anna Paquin, Actress in HBO's hit True Blood
Lately bisexuality seems to have been a hot topic all over the Internet. Having wanted us to be noticed more, I thought this was a good thing until I actually looked at some of the so called “attention” we’ve been getting. Ouch! Some days it pays to not read!
One of the most [misplaced] articles I’ve seen in a while was this one by Brian Gawker called “Where are all the Bisexual Men?, written by yet another gay man criticizing bisexuals (seriously, doesn’t it get old after a while)? In what is honestly one of the oddest articles I’ve ever read, Gawker proceeds to somewhat actually defend bisexual men, by saying things like “It’s a horrible double standard [bisexuality in women accepted more than in men] and it’s one I think we should end. How? Well, we need some famous dudes to come out as bi. We know you’re out there, guys.” For once, I totally agree with that part! What’s unfortunate is that too often it’s people like Gawker who go around saying bisexual men are “really gay” when they actually do try to come out.
Yet, in this same article, Gawker totally [bad mouths] bisexual women, saying they’re basically straight women who like to get a “little funky.” “Just like Canadians are basically Americans with a few subtle differences (healthcare, politeness, love of hockey) bisexuals are basically just straight people who like to get a little funky. Just look at [Anna] Paquin (Actress in HBO’s True Blood) and [Megan] Mullally (Actress in Will & Grace, The Megan Mullally Show) who are both in monogamous relationships with men. Sure, they might think about a little lady love every once in awhile, but they’re basically in the same relationship as every other breeder on the planet. Lady Gaga admits that she’s never actually let another woman ride on her disco stick, and her Sapphic proclivities—seem to be a way to bind her closer to the gay community—that she fights for and that continues to play remixes of every one of her singles at every one of their social gatherings.” Wow—could he get anymore misogynistic? And you always have to love it when someone uses a slur like “breeders,” when the reverse is of course unacceptable.
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I have a pretty good answer for that Gawker—there are a bit more (not as many as the stereotype says) bisexual women and men who wind up with men because there is a huge amount of biphobia both among straight women and lesbians. A straight women’s reaction to a bi guy is often “ick!” or “you’re really gay” and she too often won’t go near him. While bisexual men often face suspicion and doubt from gay men, from what I’ve seen, a gay man is still more likely to date a bisexual man than a straight woman is, if for no other reason than to convince the bisexual man he is “really gay.” On the flip side, a straight man is more likely to date a bisexual woman (albeit not always for the right reasons) than a lesbian is—as there is the unfortunate but prevailing stereotype in the lesbian community that a bisexual woman will “always leave [them] for a man.” It seems to be easier for bisexuals to just date other bisexuals of either gender. So straight women and lesbians—if you want more bisexual men and women to date women, then start dating us!
As I said in my last article about Christina Aguilera, couldn’t it just be that many of these celebrity women, who have come out as bisexual (and were rumored to be before that) really are bi, and are finally coming out? Couldn’t it be that it’s not just a publicity stunt? Isn’t a truly objective media source suppose to actually wait and see before making assumptions? Yet again, this seems to be asking for too much. At the very least, Gawker should consider himself lucky that he has the privilege of not constantly having his sexuality questioned by a community that claims to support him. It’s too bad he can’t seem to extend that same courtesy to bisexuals, especially to bisexual women. Unfortunate, but frequent—it doesn’t seem like it’s going to change anytime soon.