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Bisexual Men Exist, Revisited

September 3, 2011 By
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Rosenthal Study Proves Bisexual Men Do Exist (Credit: istock.com | quavondo

It was a no brainer deciding what to write about this time. So much has already been said about That Study, but I wanted to give you another angle, that of a psychologist and former researcher. Where do I start? Let’s rewind a few years to that infamous headline ‘Gay, Straight, or Lying?.’ People rushed to declare that the study had “proven” that bisexual men don’t exist. Well, there’s no such thing. You can easily prove that something does exist by finding just one of it, but you can’t say something doesn’t exist just because you haven’t been able to find it. It’s basic (scientific) logic. If I go to the supermarket across the road now and spend 30 minutes trying to find blond, bilingual women called Sandra, it’s possible that I won’t find a single one. Going on to conclude that such women don’t exist is pretty stupid. A newspaper headline said that bisexual men don’t exist. They based their (scientifically invalid) conclusion on the fact that a study that was looking for them (in the wrong place) didn’t find any. So this misconception convinced many people that there was no such thing as a bi guy. Ever.This content is for members only.

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Filed Under: Bi Life with Ronete Cohen, Psychology Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

A Monk Breaks Silence

April 5, 2010 By
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Are you comfortable where you are right now? If I invited you to go and sit somewhere else, do you think you may be more at ease? Well, for me, I have been at a loss where I belong for what seems a lifetime.

Years ago, when I first began school, my mother left me to journey alone into a world of what I saw as different tables. The first of many tables was in the most special of places. In Kindergarten, I was the only student that was placed at a table that sat both a female and male classmate. All the other tables sat opposite gender classmates. What helped make matters more difficult was that during the year, I began to have butterflies and warm feelings for both of my gender classmates. The questioning of why me, has followed me through endless moments of terror.

My Internal Biphobia, the name of my fear, has included and not been limited to resentment for being neither straight, gay, nor asexual. I have lived with self-hatred, because I was not completely socially accepted. And I lived a double life with addictions to find a cure for both, yes, both of my opposite and same-gender attraction. After seventeen years of sobriety, I found there is no cure like born truth.

To understand my own birthright, I learned about the Kinsey Scale. A biological scale made to help explain about fluidity regarding sexuality being much more than merely straight or gay. If I may, it is like “six degrees of separation.”  The degrees are separated by fluidity. As though, there is a hetero-flexible, homo-flexible, and genuine equal bisexuality. In other words, every day of the week is not about only sunrise and sunset. A day’s fluidity has a morning, midday, afternoon and evening. Yet, the day does not merely talk about its fluidity as a mere identity. The day publicly celebrates its privilege to be. And at the same time is socially accepted as “normal” like both straight and gay.

Lately, I researched the Bible and found that before the English translation of Adam and Eve. These well known people were originally named Ish and Isha, Help and Helpmate. Yet, I have gotten into debates with conservative bible fanatics. My argument has always been, since Eve came from Adam, does that make Adam, Transgender? Once male now female. Or Eve, Transgender? Once female now male. To explain spectrium to such ill-informed people, I quoted the Bible.

What I found to be more interesting than myself is simple. In Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” With that, I am now more than ever aware that Sacred is genderless. I live in my purest of heart that God is both female and male. God is transgender female, transgender male, and intersex.

In other words, a knowing of the Higher Power, once again regarding fluidity, happens also to be found in Galatians 3:28. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one…” The tables set for gay and straight. Female and male. Are also shared by bisexual and transgender people as well. We all sit at the same table. We all sit at one “fluid, spiritual” table. However, what separate us are our internal phobias.

There are those who spouts rotten harvest like “sissy, butch, and “that is so gay,” exhibiting homophobia. Second, people who isolate straight people as “breeders,” exhibiting heterophobia. Third, the many who sarcastically mention “hot tranny mess, or clowns” exhibit transgender phobia. Lastly, countless that lie about bisexual people being born confused, really just gay and need to pick a side already help continue Bisexual Erasure, manifestation of Biphobia.

To live in my own shoes happens to be a miracle within itself. I am a humble bisexual child of God.  I am a trusted servant that does not fear anymore, because I am lead by faith, truth and not by sight, society.

Filed Under: Bi Advocacy Tagged With: , , , ,

The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe

November 29, 2009 By
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Bisexual-GuideWhenever I visit my local book store (which is often), I always peruse the gay and lesbian section. While there, I am looking for one thing — books on bisexuality. I am nearly always disappointed. Leaving aside the fact that I am rarely able to find anything other than gay or lesbian erotica; the books that are available fall into one of three basic categories (not counting the aforementioned erotica):

1. Tragedy (see Prayers for Bobby by Leroy Aarons)
2. Gay (see The Greeks and Greek Love by James Davidson)
3. Lesbian (see Lesbian Couples: A Guide to Creating Healthy Relationships by D. Merilee Clunis)

There are a great number of titles available, but it seems that they all can be categorized into these areas. It is rare to find a book that deals exclusively in bisexuality; which leaves bisexual men reading books about being gay and bisexual women reading books about being a lesbian, almost exclusively; contributing to the confusion of bisexuality as a valid orientation. On my most recent trip to the bookstore, I was pleasantly surprised.

The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe, by Nicole Kristal and Mike Szymanski is a poignant, researched and fun look at the “invisible orientation” of bisexuality. The book offers the reader (who should be bisexual) a journey on the path of bisexuality, breaking it into three parts. Part One: Beginner, seems to be all about coming to terms with being bisexual. Chapter One: The B-Word – starts the journey by referencing the “flip-flop” that we all know so well. That period of time in our lives when our families believe that we’re straight and our friends have seen us flirting and have labeled us as gay. It goes on to define bisexuality, both by its dictionary definition (pointing out the absurdity of the hermaphroditic and botanist connotations) and the etymology of the word. It turns out that bisexual was added to the dictionary in 1892, while the abbreviation “bi” was coined in 1956. Chapter 2: Measuring Sex continues on the beginner’s journey to discover who they are – bi, gay or straight. The Kinsey Scale and research of the Kinsey Institute reveals that 13% of women and 37% of men achieve orgasm with a partner of the same sex. The Klein Grid (expanding on Kinsey’s research) makes things more detailed by breaking things down to seven elements of sexuality. Antonio Galarza has developed the “Three Circle Graph” which shows 70-80% of men to be bisexual.

Part Two: Intermediate, recounts what it’s like to be bisexual. Chapter Four: Two Closets opens with a step by step “how to” for coming out. “Coming Out Without Coming Out”; this guide shows the method of creating an air of mystery around your sexuality. Never fully explaining who you’re interested in, feeling that your sexual orientation isn’t really anyone’s business; refusing to label it for even those that ask point blankly. “Coming Out to Your Conservative Mom” suggests using television to your advantage, appealing to things your mother already knows and likes and then pointing out that they’re gay. “Coming Out to Your Hippie Mom” offers a humorous how to, suggesting any time any place and cautions the reader of learning too much about their mother’s past. “Coming Out to Your Radical-Right Dad” this how to is extreme in its recommendations of caution; saying “Do stand a safe distance when you utter any word or phrase containing sexual.” The guide does not limit the situation to parents, however. Providing additional advice and how-to’s for “Coming Out to Your Straight But Not Narrow Siblings” and “Coming Out to Your Curious Co-Workers.” Chapter Six: Doubling Your Chances opens with a quote from Woody Allen “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday Night.” This chapter tends to focus more on how to attract members of the same sex. Providing tips for both the guys and the gals; while also providing the transition into Part Three: Advanced.

The four chapters of part three cover sex and love for the bisexual person. Everything from getting laid to playing “bi” heart. When I closed the book, I fervently wished for two things. 1. That it wasn’t over. 2. That there were more books like it. To my utter delight, I was able to find more information from these wonderful authors as there is a companion website to the book, linking the blogs of the authors. As I said before, it is poignant, researched and humorous. It was a joy to read and it had the calming effect of letting me know that things really aren’t that bad if you’re bi. Something we may need reminded of occasionally.

Filed Under: Books, Entertainment Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

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