STUDY: Kids Of Same-Sex Female Couples Are Well-Adjusted

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(Image Credit:) Wikimediacommons.com/Magnus Manske

A new study has come out that’s being hailed as groundbreaking: Teens of Lesbians Just as Happy as Teens of Straight Parents, Study Finds. As much as I wish they’d said “same-sex female couples” instead of “lesbian couples”, it’s obvious that this applies to bisexual women in same sex female relationships as well.

A summary of the basics of the study: “The study took 78 17-year-olds from the NLLFS—all of whom have lesbian mothers—and matched them based on gender, age, parental education, and ethnic background with 78 17-year-olds who have opposite-sex parents. All were scored based on their responses to statements like, ‘I feel I’m getting along with my parents/guardians,’ ‘I look forward to the future,’ and ‘I feel good about myself.’ The result? Both groups “responded generally in the same way. The study also found that teens with lesbian mothers had no difference in quality of life based on known vs. unknown donors or on whether their mothers were still together or had separated. Additionally, it found that although nearly half of the NLLFS adolescents said they had been teased, excluded from activities, or stereotyped as being different, particularly by classmates, as a result of having a lesbian mother, this was not associated with a lesser quality of life. Previous studies from the NLLFS have found that the teens ‘demonstrate significantly higher social competence’ and ‘significantly lower total problem behavior than the standard population’. Additionally, a previous study found that among the 78 children in the NLLFS, none report having ever been physically or sexually abused by a parent or other caregiver. This contrasts with 26 percent of American adolescents who report parent or caregiver physical abuse and 8.3 percent who report sexual abuse.”

It’s great that this study came out and that it’s all over the media. But many of us in the BLGT (Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Lesbian) community are going “Duh!” We’ve known and been saying this for years. Still, just like with the study that finally “proved” that bisexual men exist, it’s nice to see it in writing, and better it comes late than never. Now of course GLBT right wing opponents will try and find some way to discredit this study, but their attempts are beginning to look more and more foolish.

It’s interesting that the study showed that not only are the teens well adjusted, but in general they actually seem to be better adjusted, despite some teasing, than their counterparts with opposite-sex parents. Now of course there are bisexual women in opposite sex relationships too.  I would like to see a study that focuses specifically on both same-sex and opposite-sex couples that have at least one bisexual partner.  It would be interesting to see if having a bisexual parents (or two) makes any difference.  I would guess not, and I’m sure there were bisexual women in this study, but still it would be nice to have a study that focused more on bisexuality as a factor.

Another “unsurprise –there was no sexual abuse—yet another thing BLGT people already knew. I definitely hope to see more studies like this—and next time I hope they involve bisexuality or at least use the phrase “same-sex” couple(s)!

A Study On Bisexual Women

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(Image Credit:) Wikimediacommons.com/MaraB.

It appears that yet another study has come about bisexuals, this one specifically about bisexual women. It’s good to see so many studies being done about us; hopefully that will help combat invisibility, and it’s great to see more attention being paid to women as well. I’ve written about several of these studies before, including ones about bisexual men, mental health in our community, bi invisibility, and others. This study was a local one, done at George Mason University in my neck of the woods. I participated in it by filling out some forms and questionnaires that were sent out all over the bisexual community, particularly over the internet.

While the study being done was a great thing, the results unfortunately were not. The headline of the study is called Bisexual Women Suffer Stress and Depression. Some key parts parts of the study summarized: “Bisexual women are more likely to smoke, binge drink and suffer from stress and depression, due to feelings of invisibility and little community support. Interestingly, gay and straight women do not have the same risk for alcohol abuse and depression as bisexual women. The study looked at how three different dimensions of sexuality – identity, behavior and attraction - linked with health problems.  The study also says that bisexual men seemed to have significantly lower risks for the same things.”  Well, are we surprised?  I wish I could say yes, but unfortunately, other than specifically focusing on bisexual women, there is nothing new here.  Next I’d like to see a study with suggestions on how to remedy this! This content is for members only.

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Reflections On Internalized Homophobia or Biphobia, Part 2

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(Image Credit:) WikimediaCommons.org/LuMaxArt

In my last article I wrote about internalized biphobia and/or homophobia, and how I had recently experienced it myself. At the end I had asked: So—what to do? How do those of us in the bisexual, gay, lesbian and transgender (BLGT) community who deal with this, try and move past it?

Talk about tackling a difficult issue! While the BLGT community’s efforts have had some effects on making at least the more liberal parts of the straight community more tolerant and supportive of BLGT people, ironically and unfortunately, it seems to have had more trouble doing the same with internalized homophobia and/or biphobia. One major effort made by BLGT organizations, early education in schools—explaining to kids that just like some people are black, and there’s nothing wrong with that, some people have two mommies or two daddies instead of one mommy and one daddy, and that’s okay—has been shown not only to significantly reduce bullying, but it also seems to result in less internalized biphobia and/or homophobia. Having Gay-Straight Alliances in schools as kids get older and form clubs in school is also a great idea, and there are more of them springing up. However, while schools in a few states have managed to implement these early education measures, both these and the Gay-Straight Alliance efforts have been met with huge backlashes from the religious community, as well from well-meaning parents who were scared by propaganda of their children being “taught to be gay”.  The Gay-Straight Alliance Clubs have met more success, but still face significant barriers. As a result, many have programs have either been severely curtailed or completely done away with. I strongly believe that if more of these early educational measures could be implemented, it could really make a dent in helping kids BLGT kids with internalized biphobia and/or homophobia. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Reflections On Internalized Homophobia or Biphobia, Part 1

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(Image Credit:) istock.com

Internalized homo[phobia] and/or biphobia are defined as negative feeling towards oneself because of one’s homosexuality or bisexuality. It causes severe discomfort with or disapproval of one’s own sexual orientation. Sometimes the term “internalized stigma” is used instead. In addition, internalized biphobia can also include denying bisexuality exists and engaging in bisexual invisibility, as well as propagating some of the other stereotypes about bisexuals. Social homophobia and/or biphobia is the fear of being identified as gay or bisexual, especially in public.

Why bring these up? Because last week, I, bisexual crusader, writer, and activist for bisexual, lesbian, gay, and transgender rights, experienced some internalized homophobia or biphobia that I had thought long gone, and realized that I have a longer way to go getting rid of it that I had realized. I can’t be out to my family, but I am out to co-workers (on this site, I would hope so!) and to all of my close friends, and I’ve participated in several BLGT events where I’ve felt out and proud, and pretty outspoken about bisexuality and its place in both the gay and straight communities. So imagine my surprise when last week, during my swimming aerobics class, a girl in my class (who I assumed was either bisexual or a lesbian because of a rainbow sticker on her backpack that I saw in the locker room) started trying to flirt with me and catch my eye during class. I wear bracelets that have the rainbow and bi colors on them (luckily my family doesn’t know what they mean), and she obviously recognized them. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

My Mom Refuses To Believe That I’m Bisexual

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How to accept yourself without others approval? (Credit: istock.com)

Dear Ronete,

I’m in a long distance relationship with my wonderful girlfriend Sarah, but no matter what I say, my mom does not believe that I am bisexual. When I told her back when I first figured out I was bi, when I was 13-years-old, she didn’t believe me. Now, at 24-years-old, she still doesn’t believe me. It’s very hurting to not have my mother believe and support me, but she believes and supports my openly gay brother. She says things like: I don’t know what I want. She says I can’t possibly be bisexual, because she doesn’t believe I’ve actually had a relationship with a woman prior to my current girlfriend, despite the fact that I also dated her before (even back in high school) and I plan to marry her one day.

I find it bad that a southern high school can be accepting of two women in a relationship, but my own mother can’t accept or believe that I’m bi. What do I have to do? Wear a shirt with huge flaming letters stating “Hey I’m bisexual! Yes I’m serious, or I wouldn’t wear this shirt!”? It seems like nothing else works. I’ve explained to her in about five different ways that, yes, I’m attracted to women too. Hello! Isn’t that what defines sexuality? Being attracted to someone? How can I deal with her and have her believe me when I tell her that I am definitely bisexual?

Thank you,
Bri This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Talking About Mental Health In The LGBT Community

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The Complex Interaction Of BLGT Issues And Mental Health Issues Is Too Often Not Understood Well

Every community, even traditionally stigmatized communities, has its secretive issues that aren’t talked about much, and the Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender communities are no exception. One of the most difficult issues to bring up and talk about in BLGT circles is that of mental health. The BLGT community has had a rather complicated love/hate relationship with the issue of mental health and Psychology in general. One the one hand, since there is still a too often widespread belief (that is luckily diminishing), especially in conservative religious communities and most religious countries that bisexuality, homosexuality, transgenderism, and gender queer behavior are mental illnesses. Alternative sexualities weren’t even declassified as mental illnesses in the US Psychological community until 1975. There are still many “Make Them Straight” camps and centers in the United States alone, even an association called The National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) that masquerades has a legitimate scientific organization, and unfortunately is sometimes taken seriously. Given all of this, it’s understandable why the issue of mental illness is a very touchy one in the BLGT community. Many people are already sensitive to being thought of as “sick”, and if they do have a mental health issue, they don’t want to deal with the double stigma, and they also fear stigmatization from other parts of the BLGT community. They do not want to fit into the stereotype of the “crazy queer”. To make matters even worse, issues such as depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicide affect the BLGT community at higher rates than the general population, often because of family pressure and rejection, society’s stigmatization of same-sex relationships, and other reasons. While many do seek help, it is still an issue that is overall kept pretty quiet in the BLGT community.This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Trust Me, You’re Bisexual

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Some people seem to know what you are better than you do. No matter what you say, they’ll gently (or not so gently) correct you and point you in the right direction. Never imagine for a single moment that you know better what it feels like to be you. This army of people, who only see you from the outside, know what you’re all about on the inside and will never miss an opportunity to tell you that.

Bisexuality means a million different things to a million different people. It includes terms like pansexual, bi-curious, heteroflexible and fluid, although those included don’t always wish to be included. No one can even agree on what each term actually means. An ancient Jewish joke goes: put two Jews in a room and you’ll hear three different opinions. Well, pick two random bisexuals and you’ll end up with at least three different definitions of bisexuality. Should you feel attraction to men and women, or more? How attracted should you be? Must you sign up for polyamory when you apply, or can you opt out without losing your membership perks? This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Bisexual Reflections On The Past Year

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(Image Credit:) NYABN.com

It’s that time of year again! Happy Bisexual Pride Day (September 23, but of course you all already knew that). And once again it’s time to reflect on how far the bisexual community has come in the past year, and this past year has been an amazing one!

So where to start? Well for one thing, more celebrities are being open about their bisexuality. Here at Bi Social Network we actually have a bi quote of the week now. More TV shows feature bisexuality as at least some sort of theme (Glee not withstanding). A bisexual contingent was invited to the Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender fundraiser at the white house with the President and First Lady this past July, and our very own site founder Adrienne Williams was invited as part of the bisexual group, and went! We’ve got a weekly radio show, and there is more to come soon. This content is for members only. Continue reading »

Bisexual Men Exist, Revisited

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Rosenthal Study Proves Bisexual Men Do Exist (Credit: istock.com | quavondo

It was a no brainer deciding what to write about this time. So much has already been said about That Study, but I wanted to give you another angle, that of a psychologist and former researcher. Where do I start? Let’s rewind a few years to that infamous headline ‘Gay, Straight, or Lying?.’ People rushed to declare that the study had “proven” that bisexual men don’t exist. Well, there’s no such thing. You can easily prove that something does exist by finding just one of it, but you can’t say something doesn’t exist just because you haven’t been able to find it. It’s basic (scientific) logic. If I go to the supermarket across the road now and spend 30 minutes trying to find blond, bilingual women called Sandra, it’s possible that I won’t find a single one. Going on to conclude that such women don’t exist is pretty stupid. A newspaper headline said that bisexual men don’t exist. They based their (scientifically invalid) conclusion on the fact that a study that was looking for them (in the wrong place) didn’t find any. So this misconception convinced many people that there was no such thing as a bi guy. Ever.This content is for members only.

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What Should I Do? My Man Wants Monogamy But I Don’t

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 Bi Life with Ronete Cohen receives questions from the bisexual and other communities regarding sexuality, advice, support, mental health issues and more. Please submit all questions to Ronete Cohen, psychologist for assistance.

DisclaimersThe Bi Life with Ronete Cohen is not a 24-hour emergency service. If you are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide, please seek emergency help. For a suicide prevention hotline where you live, please check the International Suicide Prevention Wiki. For online suicide prevention, please check the Online Suicide Prevention Wiki.This content is for members only.

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